FANDOM


The squads for the LOA 2017 season are listed below. These rosters are accurate as of October 31, 2016, prior to the start of the 2017 season, but after the closing of the transfer window.

For a list of all transfers that took place during the window: LOA Fall 2016 Transfers

As of May 22, 2017, four teams (FC Trump, Active Shooters Academy, Southern Condors, Millionaires de FIFA) ceased operations. The 72 players from those teams were assigned to the other 42 remaining teams. Except for the FIFA guys. They're in jail. Fuck them.

Championship

AC Gaddafi

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of ENGGKBartleby ActuaryInvited to tea with the queen on five occasions, tried to poison her every time
2Flag of SCODFErrol DougaltreeHeadbutted the pope
3Flag of UGADFEadie AmenChanged official language of Uganda to belly-slapping, was changed back 3 days later
4Flag of VIEDFCheung Kee SooUsed Rambo films to train soldiers, leading to 70% depletion of military force
5Flag of ROUMFGregor NochituPassed a law allowing people to marry their computers, helped if they had pictures of people on screen
6Flag of VENDFSir General Esquire IVHis name was far too pompous, demanding trumpet intros and whatnot
7Flag of SCODFEnglish MannTired of being mistaken for English
8Flag of CIVMFFlorent FabriqueCompletely fabricated surveys after fifth year straight of 100% approval from impoverished nation
9Flag of GHAMFEE OuhahaAttempted to put curse on national soccer team, accidentally cursed and diseased entire population
10Flag of ITAFWDamiano SpazzaturaMade a mandatory minimum of reality television shows on national channels
11Flag of KSAFWAkram KarimiBanished from country for designing perfume that made people have sex uncontrollably
13Flag of GERGKOtto HasardspielNearly declared bankruptcy after national lottery only had 8 numbers, too many winners
14Flag of ESPMFDiego PutamadreSingular cause for childhood obesity in Spain by force-feeding kids churros
15Flag of IRLMFFinn O'TooleBroadcast naked photos of himself 24 hours on Christmas day
18Flag of FRAMFGilbert de PussoisAfter winning mayoral race, erected an eight-foot real working vagina on losing candidate's lawn
19Flag of BELFWMarouane FellatioMade sodomy illegal unless you wore an afro wig
20Flag of ROUFWDmitri RaducanTurned the presidential palace into a haunted house for Halloween, accidentally actually haunted it
21Flag of KORMFBang Dae-WooEmployed local homeless as crash test dummies
25Flag of GREDFTheas BorgAccused of being a robot, until he threw a man through a train. THROUGH IT.

CF Cartel de Escobar

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of NIRGKSullivan TaintCaught drinking an "Irish car bomb"
2Flag of ESPDFCarlos BouffantHairdresser who torched an entire neighborhood after building custom-made industrial strength dryer
3Flag of IRNDFFawad FawazTried to use his family's business sway to get him elected to royalty; to be clear, that's a lineage thing
4Flag of BLSDFDaliokasicRemoved gun regulation, giving anyone the right to run their own gun range
5Flag of CZEDFKristof JankovicHad all citizens teeth removed in attempt to boost economy
6Flag of ITADFArturo CochellaHosted a music festival in the Vatican that turned into a 4-day drunken orgy
7Flag of ESPMFJavi PuñaladaBanned hair care products for fear of spiky hair leading to stabbing deaths
8Flag of PARMFEndo ArticuloTried to outlaw use of the word "the"
9Flag of JAMMFEdison LighthouseWatched entire country go into poverty while insisting their chief export was "love"
10Flag of BRAFWPele (Not that one)He's… I mean he's okay at soccer, I guess. He's no Pele… you know, the real one.
11Flag of WALFWMuggy OhTried to sell his own feces at local covered markets
13Flag of BELGKHerman TrappisteAdded subliminal messages during rally speeches, boosting sales in local beer
14Flag of USAMFRudy ConcarneChili cook-off judge who dipped his finger in every vat, only to disqualify all of them due to not enough of a kick
15Flag of RSAMFDamon John MustardKilled a man for 1 ton of paprika in the illegal spice trade
17Flag of GHAMFHenri CreamerCouldn't pay settlements of thousands of lawsuits for his malfunctioning vibrators
18Flag of IRNMFSohrab PoomplimSold fried candy bars in a far too aggressive manner
19Flag of JPNMFKo KandaFailed inventor of child vending machine, too many suffocated
21Flag of MARFWIshak RatinErected stone with entire script of Ishtar in town square
23Flag of ARGFWHector PalomitasImprisoned by government employer for constantly burning popcorn
28Flag of NEDDFConstantine FutConfiscated entire nation's stock of energy drinks to keep himself "one step ahead of the game"

Drone Strikers FC

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of GREGKAdam BepisLiterally pronounced everything incorrectly to the point of it being a crime
2Flag of FINDFHarko LutefiskDestroyed tourism revenue through promotion of inedible, potentially poisonous "local cuisine"
3Flag of RUSDFBoris PlachnikovOrders tear gas at all military funerals for proper mourning
4Flag of LVADFBrumbpo TungusAfter World's Strongest Man took off, tried to do World's Strongest Bear competition, led to deaths of dozens of volunteers
5Flag of CHIMFLedo ShuffleInevitably got arrested on his one last job before retirement
6Flag of RSAMFShalala LadeedaEncouraged rampant promiscuous sex for all school children through national campaign
7Flag of ZAMMFChiku FufumaHyperinflated his own currency, but didn't adjust any market prices to account for it
8Flag of ENGMFBrendan NotlobDiscriminated against patrons of his shop who wouldn't speak in palindromes
9Flag of ESPFWRolando BolandoEnacted a church sponsored "Wife Swap for Jesus" program
10Flag of MNEMFRatomir TrudnocaBanned masturbation for fear of hands getting pregnant
11Flag of ISLFWGuus BjornVoted Iceland's worst folk singer, this was the prize
13Flag of FRAGKRobert PretamangeKnown for robbing so many fast food restaurants, one offered to lock down his exclusivity rights
15Flag of GERDFShaft HunterFormer highway patrolman who insisted suspects read from script to make the whole thing seem more like a cop drama
16Flag of HUNDFOszkar DrizzleboobMade the national sport the wet t-shirt contest
17Flag of SUIMFTim WesterbahnTurned emergency response service into personal chauffeur
18Flag of ARGMFMagic SalazarSet his entire apartment complex on fire because he smelled smoke
20Flag of KAZDFUlan ShtampovMade the official sport "punching baby animals" to surprising success
22Flag of BULFWZahari LukatosWas elected by having name picked out of hat
23Flag of AUTFWSebastian FrütenscupenBecame known in restaurant circles as the frozen yogurt toppings bar nazi
27Flag of CZEMFMatej SilastrazeForced police department to shut down by running more efficient rogue force

Force Publique FC

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of CZEGKRobert SplatkaFunded bridges over picturesque concrete to encourage suicide tourism
2Flag of SUIDFCrest WhitestripsMan behind failed nationwide health campaign "Drink More Bleach"
3Flag of URUDFAlexi ScotillaPlanted mines, booby traps, etc, to toughen up country's take-out delivery workers
5Flag of ITADFAndrea CastratoInstead of circumcising, accidentally neutered thousands of newborn males
6Flag of AUTMFJan DangermausMade every college student in Austria double major in art history and English, dooming economy
7Flag of LTUMFMarijus UzgaidaTried to sue the government over some bad meat. Lots of times.
8Flag of USAMFClarity BrownWhite dude started a race riot when he was cast as a blaxploitation actress on name alone
9Flag of GHAFWSigmund AbbadabboHad an affair with a snake, lonely at the top
10Flag of ISLFWEdgar GrímsvötnVowed to name an active volcano as Prime Minister if he won the election
12Flag of MEXGKJuanito JuarezYou didn't think all those drug busts in Mexico were being confiscated, did you?
14Flag of USADFHacksaw StuffCheered son a little too aggressively in youth football playoff game
16Flag of TURMFOyun CulukHired reenactors to convince enemies that they were already at war and losing
18Flag of BRAMFAssbreathThis isn't a chosen name, it was a given name. You can understand his rampage.
19Flag of FRAFWJustin VouyonUsed drones mostly for spying on people having sex in their homes
20Flag of ITAMFPastrami SamplesWorked for the government, sued too many times for bad meat
22Flag of USAMFBenji SkylineRuined a perfectly good plate of pasta by pouring sludge on it; sold it as "chili"
23Flag of PORFWKris AndadeDeclared all inanimate objects must convert to Christianity
26Flag of JPNDFKuro BentsuSecretly collected bowel movements of entire nation in effort to manipulate market prices
29Flag of SCODFSilan CooperInstalled half a day of quiet hours to get "some goddamn peace and quiet"
35Flag of BRAMFLeftoversReduced homeless population by delivering them spoiled food

FC Genocide

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of ARGGKSergio ArmedicoDelivers vaccination with bullets and medical firing squads, came up with Ammo-nization
2Flag of BRADFLu'cretiaExiled for being the only person who bet on Germany to win the 2014 World Cup
3Flag of ZIMDFRobert MugabeHe's Robert Mugabe
4Flag of CRODFTomas GoranKilled people in red/white checkered jerseys so he could have a picnic on a pile of corpses
5Flag of JPNDFIsha KusomotoAll citizens required to provide stool sample, sample must be surgically removed
6Flag of BLSMFVadir HunterovDeclared Belarussian Roulette to be new sport.... was the same as Russian Roulette
7Flag of POLMFBlind NapedowskyHis all-blind drive-in was disastrous, to say the least
8Flag of ISLMFJesper AugurssonNationwide "eye for an eye" legal system overhaul makes 77% of entire population blind
9Flag of TURFWFaz EberWon Turkey's Best Comic reality show with nothing but tragic newspaper headlines
10Flag of EGYFWZaki Al-AqripAll construction projects were "real life Minecraft", were actually "real life slavery"
11Flag of AUSMFMarco StompeEx-Prime Minister who tried to institute "National Kick a Child in the Face Day"
12Flag of ENGGKBartleby WeeblewobbleAllowed parents to declare unruly children as terrorists
13Flag of SRBDFGoran OdvanjeCreated own subset of people in order to commit premeditated genocide
14Flag of RSAMFRobert SkietmaanTreated wildlife reserve as carnival-style shooting gallery
17Flag of NGAMFCommunity TheaterEnslaved thousands to send 419 scam faxes
18Flag of UKRMFMaxim PetrusFortified water supply with radioactive materials "for extra nutrients"
20Flag of WALFWJarrow RoofingGave everybody shingles
25Flag of NGADFBestwishesDeveloped costly expansion plan because he thought wider roads could fix "sex trafficking"
26Flag of FRAMFRobert AnalkissLegalized smuggling of items, as long as it was done in person's pants
33Flag of NORFWTor KjellbergInstituted "if you die in the game, you die in real life" law to violent video games

CF Inquisición

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of AUSGKJulian AssangeIs Julian Assange
2Flag of ESPMFManuel DischargeRefused to acknowledge the double L in the Spanish language
3Flag of WALDFAlex SarhadDesigned entire military operation around doing nothing more than verbally insulting enemies
4Flag of ITADFMariano CarapozziRepurposed dead bodies as department store mannequins
5Flag of CANDFWade SorrieBrutally tortured and maimed thousands, apologized afterwards
6Flag of IRLDFEoin McInmyreDelivered weekly shipments of filth to meet requirements
8Flag of GREDFStavros KadabrosBecame a trained magician thinking he could make money appear with magic wand
9Flag of FRAFWLaurent ManeseAnnexed his apartment and declared himself Condiment King of France
10Flag of CIVFWRoko ShamboPetitioned to make the national sport Groin Kicking
13Flag of FRAMFLaurent MontadonSpent scientific funding on cross-breeding animals by setting the mood ready for love
15Flag of ESPMFDavid MuerzoMade breakfast illegal
17Flag of KORMFPark Yeol-SeRegularly challenged protesters to "action movie style" fights to the death
18Flag of SRBFWMarek TrapilovicDeveloped an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine for executions
19Flag of BELDFThomas KostuumenWasted defense funding on superhero costumes for military
20Flag of ARMMFKarek NerdroghCreated entire country's stock market prices by "asking God"
21Flag of GERGKIsaac DaumendruckAttached severed thumbs to amputees so they could provide fingerprints for identification
25Flag of SRBDFNasto JaneticWent by two different names, murdered those who used the wrong one
27Flag of PANMFDiego MapacheForced garbage men all to wear raccoon costumes during work
29Flag of COLMFAntonio AmaroUsed cash for guns program to become world's seventh largest arms dealer

Kim Jong Un-ited

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of GERGKJulian MundenbachChanged national anthem to 25 seconds of gargling mouthwash
2Flag of SUIDFMarco SchippzingerCombated online piracy with purchases of cannons
3Flag of NZLDFLuke ButchmanA true Bushwacker, delivers mandatory punches to women's genitalia as part of new health care bill
4Flag of FRADFPatrice VelocroqueWon Tour de France in 2002 by carrying bikes on top of car
6Flag of NEDDFJan BoeksmanAnyone with a criminal record is forced to wear a box on their head
7Flag of CROMFLucas AginmovicForced exile after accidentially building his presidential mansion in the wrong country
8Flag of BELMFRobbe MelcherDestroyed what once was a working national postal service by attempting to ship spoiled food & mud
10Flag of BRAFWCreamyTried to ban dancing from Carnaval after getting the idea from Footloose
12Flag of CHIGKOscar De SombraTried to block the sun to toughen up nation's dependency on natural light
13Flag of NEDMFRonald GoonkTried to make Holland leading producer of glue, killed every horse in the country
14Flag of PORMFCricetoReplaced prison system with giant hamster balls for all convicts
15Flag of FRAMFEric MouchardDiseased countless people by trying to recreate a rat kitchen from the movie Ratatouille
21Flag of BRAFWElmoLegalized betting on local gang wars
22Flag of CRCFWLit FamFor real though, he needed to settle the fuck down
23Flag of GERDFIvan WöchigeTo increase efficiency, forced all bowel movements to happen in one annual week-long festival
24Flag of PRKDFChang Nam BakIn charge of changing sports results to please supreme leader
26Flag of SUIMFRobert SchpritzerAfter elected, bathroom cleaning expenses quadrupled solely because of his poor aim
32Flag of SVKFWTomas KlaunštrajkDressed up night shift police force in clown costumes
34Flag of BELMFChristopher DriewielerPulled off perfect national bank heist, but escaped on tricycle

FC Kristallnacht

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of AUTGKManor AstromannTried to invade Slovenia, because "they didn't tell him he couldn't"
2Flag of SVNDFBranislav SedemskaLowered legal driving age to 7
3Flag of ENGDFOliver St. John-MolluscDomesticized sharks as pets
4Flag of CHIDFMiguel ChorizoLegalized cannibalism only if the victim's name resembled a food item
5Flag of ITADFUmberto PavoniEncouraged farting in the Vatican
6Flag of BRAMFBlackIncited very confusing race riots in Brazil
7Flag of FRAFWMarcel BleurveMade cuddling after sex illegal
9Flag of ARGFWSerg CavityFormer dentist who decided to make teeth the national currency
10Flag of ECUFWFrancisco TigrepeñaKept large collection of animal genitalia, turns out he was using it to smuggle drugs
14Flag of GERDFBruno WirksamShortened each day to 21 hours and each week to 6 days
15Flag of GERDFAlbert DrafthausUsed a prohibition law to empty out his favorite bar
16Flag of CHIMFIcado CaascoEccentric education minister who abolished the letter R from the alphabet
18Flag of CZEMFKarel ZvraceStarted an international incident by vomiting on the carpet in the United Nations general assembly
19Flag of JPNMFTaka HikinikuLost hot dog eating contest, had entire field of opponents murdered
22Flag of ESPMFNovio NuevohuevosWelfare program Breakfast by Mail, slid hundreds of fried eggs into envelopes
24Flag of RUSDFRoman BerezinGave bears the right to vote
25Flag of NGAMFMister PersonalityWas named that because he's so ugly, sent on a rampage
26Flag of ARGGKJuan PeligrosoAfter 2 assassination attempts, declared himself on the endangered species list
33Flag of CIVMFYaya MaybenonoFilibustered so long, the three oldest members of National Assembly died

Lokomotiv Buchenwald

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of FINGKReko HoistonenMade piggyback rides the only mode of transportation
2Flag of NEDDFMorgan Van der PoopenTried to make country the leading exporter of excrement
3Flag of ITAMFFilippo MatematicoDeveloped a new counting system using furniture instead of numbers
4Flag of SUIDFSami EinlaufForced citizens to feed themselves strictly through enemas
5Flag of SCOMFAngus BurlapResearched using various animal stomachs as methods of contraception
6Flag of ENGMFTerrance MoistTried to start another Falkland Islands skirmish by himself, murdered 17
7Flag of ENGDFNigel Incubator-JonesAmended his country's health care by starting burial procedures of the not yet dead
9Flag of CIVFWBrappa DooLegalized poaching of humans for their ivory
11Flag of ARGFWSergio GranadaRemoved from power after unsuccessful "One grenade for every newborn" campaign promise
12Flag of IRLGKGarrison DoverStarted first ever cliff-side drive-through casinos, led to exactly what you'd expect
14Flag of FINDFDaniel MunimisenSquandered country's entire science funding on trying to get women to lay eggs
16Flag of AUTMFMartin AnaboleSabotaged country's own olympics team with "performance inhibiting" drugs
19Flag of AUTMFSimon KünstlerCensored all pornography and nudity by placing pictures of his own genitals in its place
20Flag of GERFWFabian ScheissedeckerReplaced parliamentary election with longest bowel movement contest
21Flag of SVKMFTomasz DvorakWas removed from ministry position for actually being Slovakian
22Flag of CHIFWVinny CacahuetesTried to use diplomatic immunity to combat food allergies
24Flag of NAMMFMatthew ToleranceStreamlined legal system by making decapitation punishment for all infringements
25Flag of DENDFJon BryllupsenBankrupted country on royal wedding between his son and a blow-up doll
28Flag of ARGDFSergio AbonoCollected all animal excrement in abandoned warehouse with no real plans for it

SC Manifest Destiny

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of FRAGKButterie GoodnessDeveloped new pastry to combat the croissant, was too good to distribute
2Flag of ISLDFViggo NüdlandBanned pants
3Flag of USADFHoss BallsDidn't understand what a drive-thru restaurant was until he destroyed 35 Burger Kings
4Flag of NIRMFLarry BordBanned from France after licking the Eiffel Tower, claiming he owned it
5Flag of ITADFAquila ProlapseJudge whose most popular sentence was to have defendant's intenstines pulled out like a magician's scarf
6Flag of SUIMFMarc LastigenIntroduced unsuccessful execution technique of "public fondling"
7Flag of CUBMFJulio BarbacoaExtreme animal rights activist, "would not rest until he loved every animal"
8Flag of SCOMFHamish McCrackenHe's the shithead who made that damn loch ness monster photo
9Flag of RUSMFAndrei GlopnikYou know the hunger games? Yeah he just went around on horseback killing homeless people.
10Flag of BELFWBoo VehementlyVoted Belgium's Worst Lawyer three years running
12Flag of KSAGKAbdullah OblongattaBrain harvester seeking farm subsidies
13Flag of NIRGKOwen TrembleyEncased entire government building in peanut brittle to prevent from attackers
14Flag of NORDFFilip RoykfriePublicly executed smokers to "help speed along the process"
15Flag of ITAFWMario MalegiocoSent countless unskilled blue collar workers to rescue princesses in wrong castles
16Flag of WALMFCosby HylltonRemoved asphalt from all roads, replaced with molded gelatin product
19Flag of CAYMFMaximus ParpsworthClothing designer who made too many outfits from actual human skin
21Flag of UZBFWRuslan BerishevBanned funeral services in favor of "giant trash compactor"
22Flag of RUSDFAndrey TakinovTore down all national airports, opens all paved roads as runways for localized service
24Flag of DENDFMads SørensenServed entire congressional term from a hot air balloon
26Flag of BRADFRaptorStarted hiring kidnappers posing as cab drivers as actual cab drivers due to union strike

Nuclear Arsenal

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of RUSGKBob RovskyShouted his name in the middle of the night constantly, no one could sleep
2Flag of DENDFStig BlergelsenFunded massive campaign to use person's own vomit as legal form of identification
3Flag of CMRDFBloo BlahUsed business background to attempt to merge with 3 neighboring countries, seen as an invasion
4Flag of NEDDFMatthew der KashenTried to get nation sponsored, "Taco Bell presents The Netherlands"
5Flag of ENGFWAshley ExecutivePrisoners were given option "cake or death"
6Flag of ITAMFSicily VomitBrought St Louis pizza to Italy
7Flag of BELFWDietrich VaartMisunderstood, thought gas chambers meant flatulence
8Flag of BRAMFFantasioPassed laws allowing ghosts to vote, only count as 2/7 of a person
9Flag of DENFWKresten DukkeAppointed several LEGO people to high ranking judge positions
11Flag of SVNFWDamijan TruplovicWaited until criminals died to arrest them, said it was "easier that way"
14Flag of AUTDFAdrian EhrwurmDeveloped ministry of thought where all impure thoughts were beaten and physically removed from brain
15Flag of GUAMFCarlos SteinerFooled entire country into Y2K craze decades after the fact
16Flag of GREGKAggro CraggroSpent entire military budget on giant obstacle course on borders
17Flag of SUIMFBlepp SatterTried to create a Ministry of Blatant Corruption, and it worked
18Flag of NORDFGregers GravlundGrave-robbing became official sport of Norway
19Flag of CODMFGlaze BukakuFacepaint was part of a national grooming code
22Flag of KENMFSamuel RunawangaMarathon runner who eluded cops on 5 different 26.2-mile chases
25Flag of ENGMFGervaise Brook-HampsterSet entire parliament building on fire as April Fool's prank
26Flag of CANDFWade WedgemanSent hitmen to take out kid snow-shoveling businesses as threat to his plowing company
27Flag of AUSMFLarry MahinaInvented weather controlling device, accidentally destroyed 30% of country with meteors

Red Terror Bolsheviks

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of BRAGKThunderdomeMandatory nationwide leather uniforms
2Flag of NGADFOni ObeliTried to pay off his debt with rocks
3Flag of NEDDFAndrew VermommenGot things confused, and crime soared as he had prostitutes pose as cops
4Flag of JPNDFMaguro MakimakiDolphin poaching got too expensive, so he used fat people instead
5Flag of FRAMFMikel MenagerieKept silent as he was appointed to high courts because a spelling error
6Flag of COLMFDidi CuestaDestroyed economy by using cocaine as flour in baking, insists this wasn't accidental
7Flag of NGAMFGetlost MasambaFixed elections for over a decade, was imprisoned by angry citizens when he stopped doing so
8Flag of LAOMFHuti BlofeshImprisoned after thousands of dollars of bar bills left unpaid
9Flag of NORMFIvor FalskePassed law exonerating criminals if crime was committed using prosthetic limb
10Flag of BRAFWRamoooooooonBrazil's best telemarketer
12Flag of GERGKJonas GaunerAdded all seized luxury items, cars, etc, to his own personal collection
14Flag of SCODFWeylin WallaceReformed education system to help encourage more bullying
15Flag of BELDFHolden DeBaggInventor of "turn your head and cough"
17Flag of NEDMFAlex DubbelEasily won position by defeating his alter ego in election
19Flag of ARGMFGonzalo La PresaLed expedition to kill all the "fat animals" to encourage physical fitness
20Flag of ENGMFSimon ZnctrumpetharisRepurposed dumpsters as studio apartments but didn't tell sanitation department
21Flag of SRBFWTomas BozicAccidentally used up half of country's military arsenal to set up "one hell of a Christmas display"
22Flag of LVAFWMatvei GrutsReworked health care system to encourage doctors to tell patients to "tough it out"
23Flag of ARGFWClaudio EnebrioRequired all motorists to have a minimum blood-alcohol level
29Flag of FRADFJean-Louis VittonTried to legalize dueling with handbags

FC Smallpox

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of NEDGKMartin van MelkenDeveloped cattle cars for women to mass produce breastmilk due to cow shortage
2Flag of GERDFBastian FensterIn effort to improve nation's physical fitness, encouraged exercise by leaping out of windows
3Flag of SWEDFHurgus BurgusInsisted upon having it in a way
4Flag of NORMFMarten BeinveldSpent large amounts of funding in attempt to bring a dinosaur back to life from its bones
5Flag of ITADFTommaso CrudoseccoBans all lube in order to boost olive oil sales
6Flag of JAMMFBillie UrayAssassinated the Red Stripe beer ambassador
7Flag of CHNMFYi HaMarried a horse, lost his entire business fortune to her in divorce
9Flag of NEDFWJohn HundemolAdded webcams to prison and turned it into a new Big Brother, evicted contestants caused crime to rise
10Flag of KSAFWAwi ZawiDecapitated 3 members of government during freak skateboard accident
11Flag of MEXFWTaco TacoScheduled a drug war in the middle of a Campeones de Liga game
12Flag of USAGKTag SavannahDesigned entire economic plan behind the sales of girl scout cookies
13Flag of BLSDFVladimir PochenkoProtective ricochet bumpers on highways turned rush hour into giant game of car pinball
15Flag of PARMFJose CarnivoroWas forced to shut down the "world's deadliest petting zoo"
16Flag of GERMFKlaus FeuerlöschenUpon his signing, broke glass all over Germany, stole 7,000 fire extinguishers
17Flag of ITADFPaolo LiceversoLegalized gladiatorial combat once more as method of punishment
18Flag of NORMFBart ForkledningLawyer who tried to appoint himself to a jury by wearing a flimsy disguise
20Flag of KORMFRyu Jun-SeoTried to ban high fives
21Flag of NORDFNiell SpørkAte his way through the endangered animals exhibit in the national zoo
22Flag of PORFWPaulo LeoaguaUsed local reservoir as disposal for used fast food fryer oil
39Flag of CMRMFFofa FafanaDeclared hiccups to be demonic possession, killed all with hiccups

FC Spartak Hamas

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of RUSGKAlexei PistokovCountless 21-gun salutes led to deaths of hundreds of grieving citizens and military personnel
2Flag of RSADFGeorges RhinoknifeAffixed weaponry to all animals in order to make them a deadly killing species, horribly backfired
3Flag of NEDDFVulv AdvocaatTook women's rights movements to an uncomfortable level
4Flag of CIVDFMatthew DebaubauDetermined to be the most truant member of congress in last century
5Flag of ISRDFMatthew AmramIn act of rebellion, tried to call down biblical plague, had to settle for giving 24 people the measles
6Flag of RUSMFAlex TrustienLiterally afraid of his own shadow, so he tried to ban them
7Flag of FRAFWPhilippe ChanteurStarted war with neighboring countries, sadly realized it couldn't be done via World of Warcraft
8Flag of CROMFAdrijan DrijemezFell asleep during bank heist while escaped partner attempted to crack safe, wasn't disturbed
9Flag of SWEMFHenrik TrollheimenForced all homeless living under bridges to be aggressive to tourists
10Flag of BULFWMartin NovotnyGained presidency, seceded entire country but kept the name
11Flag of TURFWYilmaz CezaviTurned prison into zoo-like exhibit, allows patrons to feed prisoners
13Flag of BELGKMatt GehoorzenGovernment mandated 8-hour Simon Says game every Saturday
14Flag of GERDFKris GrevenbroichStarted a death metal band, accidentally summoned a demon with their first hit single
16Flag of USAMFMark WhitacreCommitted tax fraud in order to turn himself in for "whistleblower reward"
17Flag of IRLDFGoode GolfmanWas not a good... golf man
18Flag of BRAMFJohn CougarWas told he would be arrested if he wrote one more damn song about corn; he did anyway
19Flag of FINMFMatti MurhaIssued thousands of suicide bombings before he learned they didn't have a word for "suicide"
20Flag of PORMFJoao AgressioLocked up all registered sex offender in one elementary boarding school
21Flag of TCAFWTurk SancaicosBeing from the country that is his name just got too confusing; became an Abbott & Costello routine
24Flag of SVNDFAndraz SeskanjeReplaced juvenile justice system with community spankings

Second Division

FC Apartheid

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of BRAGKFionaForced people to read his terrible fanfiction. He wrote a lot of fanfiction.
2Flag of BELDFJoel BorstvoedenArrested for trying to breast feed in public... that is, he tried to breast feed himself on other strangers
3Flag of BRADFGallbladderWorld leader in malpractice suits, was actively going for Guinness all-time record
4Flag of ITADFFederico FusioneRepealed law that made it illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket, ruining pants everywhere
5Flag of BRADFMontoyia SwillingRan an underground toddler MMA racket for eight year
7Flag of CZEDFJiri KarnevalExecuted dissenters by forcing them on well-known extremely unsafe carnival rides
8Flag of CZEMFErik SvazAdjusted union agreement mandating emergency workers to take breaks every 15 minutes, even in the middle of calls
9Flag of IRLFWDeclan McCormickIn honor of St. Patrick's Day, introduced new food product, Soylent Green beer
10Flag of JPNFWAkira JisatsuMade all citizens sign a suicide pact for their 50th birthday
11Flag of CUBMFGonzalo The Animal ChuckerFlung frozen animal carcasses around animal control office during drunk rampage with fire extinguisher
15Flag of KENMFTucamonga Farling JrUsed his father's turtling manuevers to smuggle drugs
16Flag of AUSMFNeil VeroomLegalized abortion if only performed in middle of highway during rush hour
17Flag of BIHMFAleksander SpavanjeJudge who mishandled hundreds of trials by falling asleep during testimony
18Flag of FRAMFGregory CocteauWon't stop calling his constituents "just to chat"
19Flag of ANGFWFeitiçaoClaimed witchcraft as reason for attempted genocide
21Flag of BIHGKLukas BlizanicSpent ludicrous amounts of money to try to clone himself to avoid torture and genocide charges
22Flag of GREMFAlex DoreasDue to hyper-inflated currency, accepted bribes in food and livestock
29Flag of WALDFSimon BellendWas contracted to design efficient street lighting, made them all look like dicks
33Flag of GHAFWBernard TepiDue to clean water shortage, encouraged nation to drink only boiling water
39Flag of ITAMFAndrea ConsegnaAccidentally sent military drones to deliver packages; they also killed the recipients

Cosa Nostra Calcio

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
2Flag of MARMFMayur KabobStarted riots among street food vendors after vandalizing a taco truck with bibimbap
3Flag of ITADFMario GabbagoolPut oregano on literally everything
4Flag of GEODFAbraham KubrikadzeBanned all reproduction when he learned of star-studded sex party he wasn't invited to
5Flag of SUIMFSimon HinderungGov't official who responded to handicap bathroom inacessibility by narrowing doorways and saying "maybe lose weight?"
6Flag of CZEDFOtis FestrunkHis tight pants made  everybody THAT uncomfortable
7Flag of BRAMFGrandmaNot actually a grandmother. Actually a cannibal.
8Flag of COLMFJuan BalazoShot self in leg during political debate to answer what sacrifices he would make if elected
9Flag of COLMFDandoInstead of an annual food drive, encouraged people to donate to annual drug drive
10Flag of CANFWWade BalsamAppointed three positions to people made entirely of wood
13Flag of ITAGKMassimo ScoppiareTried to boost fishing industry by allowing explosives to be used
14Flag of FRAMFMatthew VinegarWas so right wing he actually became left wing after such an acidic behavior
15Flag of ITAFWPaolo PapavattiNamed Satan and Jesus as his political advisors
16Flag of ITADFFilippo AioliReplaced entire city's mayonnaise supply with Miracle Whip; Mayonnaise whereabouts unknown
19Flag of FRADFFredi PainrassisDid not use a twist tie to close a bag of bread after having been repeatedly warned
21Flag of ECUFWXavi PapalunaNot only tried to colonize the moon, but made himself its religious leader
23Flag of KSAFWAbdul SacaraIn order to get kids to eat healthier, replaced sugar addictions with addiction to PCP
25Flag of BIHDFAmar SluzbenikLocked himself in a convenience store, wouldn't leave because he believed that meant he worked there now
27Flag of POLMFMilosz SlonClaimed to kill last known wooly mammoth, turned out to be animatronic elephant he glued hair and tusks to
31Flag of KSAGKOmar SunurHired an all-cat team of spies

CSKGB Moscow

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of RSAGKBenny RadiogagaHired unskilled laborers to actually build the world's largest sinkhole
2Flag of AUTDFRu OssieTired of being confused of being Australian
3Flag of URUDFEdgar BolaThey saw his name, and decided to lock him up "just to be on the safe side"
4Flag of IRLDFHR BlockFunded tax breaks on citizens by robbing houses
5Flag of IRNDFRham PhothecaPunishment for a typo was executed by "lethal infection"
6Flag of SWEMFJo MiljössonFinally apprehended as the organizer of annual "Celebrate Earth Day" gang war
7Flag of RUSMFPiotor PorcentovEconomic stimulus package "everything costs $5" plan
8Flag of FRAMFYves BonamuseForced all food in town to be administered via IV
9Flag of PERFWGabi CarcelujoHis redesign of prison systems saw rise in crime as imprisonment led to a better quality of life
10Flag of ENGFWStephen BaldcockExposed himself on the set of Match of the Day
11Flag of ZAMMFProsper ProsperityMinister of science, Consulted imaginary spirit world for every decision, gridlocked
12Flag of CHNGKHsu-Hsu HsudioDidn't put enough lead in childrens' toys
13Flag of GREGKHoracio BoulderClimbing down an open sewer
15Flag of RUSDFMiron KolanoffMade it illegal for himself to die
16Flag of USAMFStephen HoagrindFilibustered government for hours to debate colloquial term for "sandwich"
17Flag of ITAMFGiovanni VaticanoResponsible for exhaustion death of countless priests after making them bless literally everything
18Flag of SWEMFJörgen TrevasonInstituted premium hospital service for "not being fondled while under anesthesia"
19Flag of SWEDFJannik MjukurssonForced to resign after torrid affair with giant stuffed animal
20Flag of FRAFWVictor OiseauSwitched postal service to an all carrier pigeon delivery service
34Flag of URUFWAlberto MentirasJustice system switches to honor code, criminals only prosecuted if they admit they did it

Daesh Atletico

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of JAMGKDeconstructed MayoThrew hot oil on the crowds that came to see him speak
2Flag of BFADFHaha MurabeRelished under successful "eye for an eye" law until he was caught sodomizing a horse
3Flag of NAMDFJack PinkhausEconomic policies enforced drought in home country to get John Mellencamp to write a song about it
4Flag of TURDFHakan SlashRather than combat fan violence, built prison camps attached to all sports stadiums
5Flag of UKRDFBernov RubleHis energy conservation plan involved giving everyone Flintstones-style cars
6Flag of PORMFFlavio LimaOpened up government-sponsored lemonade stand, shutting down all little kid enterprises
7Flag of RUSFWVladimir KartofelOwner of Vladimir Poutine
8Flag of FINMFTali NukkuvanenScammed country for 15 years for gifts by pretending to be in a coma
9Flag of GREMFAndrew ShakalakosHung on the rim too long; sentenced to death
10Flag of AUTFWPeter SchmuckRan for public office just as an excuse to pull his cock out during debates. Did this over a dozen times.
11Flag of URUFWGlobo MojadoSpent entire military budget on water balloons
14Flag of ARGDFSergio CarnearmaLegalized dueling but only if the weapons were pieces of meat
15Flag of AUSDFMalcolm BlortJob creation by forcing all violent sports broadcasts to be accompanied by hilarious sound effects
16Flag of WALMFGareth CrotchmowHad self jailed for accidentally leading conspiracy group against own election
17Flag of CROMFNikša DaroviNationwide judgement of quality of birthday gifts led to legalized torture
21Flag of ZAMFWSafari MassacreDressed up in giant tiger suit to get away with animal poaching in safari
22Flag of SCOGKAiden BoggJammed national radio to broadcast audio of his bathroom use
24Flag of HUNMFGabi PaprikaDeclared pepper spray the official greeting
25Flag of PORMFEusonovaRan onto the pitch during a Portugal national team match, showed up team by playing better
26Flag of USADFChris GrondahlActually tried to work out at a Planet Fitness

Darfur City FC

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of NORGKGunnar RagnarokGave everyone viking funerals, dead or not
2Flag of UKRDFAndriy ZavzradaBetrayed literally every alliance he entered into that it eventually became the other guy's fault
3Flag of ENGDFJulian RingojonYoko Ono was the only person allowed to sing the national anthem
4Flag of ENGDFCushman ArmitageFailed magician, actually sawed seventeen women in half
5Flag of ECUDFFelipe ViciadoArrested for having too many unfunny bumper stickers
6Flag of NEDMFDaley PapierPeople finally got tired of his exposes solely about famous people's nipples
7Flag of ARGFWRico BasuraDeveloped failed plan to recycle raw sewage for nutrients, literally just fed people raw sewage
8Flag of WALMFGarish DuckwaitersSpent entire science budget on making pants into a full body item, but only got to 76% coverage
9Flag of AUTMFPeter GussetCreated the tightest pants ever to serve as a torture device
10Flag of ECUMFSudo IbañezBuilt perspiration treatment plants to combat drought, turned into literal sweatshop
11Flag of IRLFWAndy DaftOn a dare, changed name of county to "fucking morons"
12Flag of GERGKOtto GrommForced all children to listen to his own authored bedtime stories, which led to nightmares and fever dreams
14Flag of ENGFWPaul ThompsonTried to breed remote operated combat chinchillas
15Flag of JPNDFMiemasa InoueTried to become a hologram, then killed 12 thinking the process work
17Flag of EGYMFSami FarrodSpent countless man hours and funding researching the meaning to the song "Woolly Bully"
18Flag of DENMFAnders SpruntIs painfully bad at using the telephone, as in, it somehow caused 6 fires
20Flag of FINFWAron LevonenOrganized benefit and rally to raise money for citizens who want to leave Finland
22Flag of GREMFStavros IdioktisiosEnacted a "licking things to claim them as your own" mandate
24Flag of ROUDFMarin SeptelMobilized entire national army to corral and subdue random escaped farm animals
28Flag of DENMFWilliam HesterHad an affair with a horse, affair was with woman

FC Jonestown

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of GERGKJoachim SplichalGave an entire third world country food poisoning
3Flag of SENDFLegz AkimboJailed for his absolutely rubbish street theatre
5Flag of ENGDFSimon PetrolAfter poor investment in energy, demanded gasoline be an ingredient in all foods
6Flag of SVKDFPistoslav HokejkaChanged rules of hockey replacing all sticks with guns; exactly what you'd expect happened
7Flag of DENMFOlaf RadnersenAllowed people to keep their severed body parts after they got amputated
8Flag of USAMFSeveral HomelessFormer underground fighter arrested in sting operation
9Flag of CANDFTorey VestibuleMade it illegal to carry brightly colored balloons
10Flag of COLFWOscar PruebaMilitary exercises were so good they accidentally invaded themselves
11Flag of ARGMFJuanero La BibliaDefeated the Pope in a bible eating contest
13Flag of LUXDFCS GrevenmacherTried to sue his home country over the name of his new food invention, the Luxemburger
16Flag of GERMFJonas TortenDitched too many congressional appearances for "streusel breaks"
17Flag of GHAMFPuffed RiceSurvivor knockoff killed hundreds before getting canceled
18Flag of RSAFWSchwaPut wrong emphasis on syllables excessively
19Flag of USAFWNavi RodriguezPetitioned congress to declare an actual war on Christmas
21Flag of GERMFDennis JagenacketMade all high-speed chases from police be performed completely pantsless
22Flag of PARGKCarlos CrudoBanned eating of animals unless they were alive while being consumed
23Flag of USADFMitch KumsteinNight putting. Also, date rape.
24Flag of JPNMFKaiyo JettokiConsistently would overbook himself on flights to get plane for himself
27Flag of USAMFSlade WhitakerWas nowhere near as cool as his name led people to believe;
32Flag of IRLFWAlex NurpleArrested for giving everyone titty twisters and wet willies

Khmer Rouge FC

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of JPNGKKornFormer pop star turned to life of crime
2Flag of PERDFFuzzie MohawkSingle cause for hair product shortage in Peru
3Flag of USADFAP BrackettDeveloped a single elimination knockout tournament in order to award Social Security
4Flag of FINDFVirta JirtanenFinland's #1 sign language interpreter for the blind
5Flag of SWEMFJohan LübSold lampshades to IKEA that weren't as advertised
6Flag of DENDFBrendt SmåkagardForce fed prisoners pounds and pounds of raw cookie dough
7Flag of LIEMFToby RickenbachAccidentally killed 74 extras while filming tourism video
8Flag of SVKFWMike EndomakanicEnacted the Praying Mantis rule, where the father must be decapitated and eaten after siring a child
9Flag of ARGFWLomo CarniceroCreated "meat vegetables" to combat drought/crop shortage, raw meat made people sick
10Flag of POLFWJosef BrazniakAttempted to train military to live only on "the idea of food"
11Flag of CROFWMarek GranicaTried to control immigration by building giant hedge maze to be traversed for citizenship
12Flag of ENGGKCarter FleshwoundMade it illegal to bring a knife to a gunfight, citing overcrowded hospitals
13Flag of SWEDFJerke KönbergTried to blackmail his own wife with sex tape of the two of them
15Flag of FRADFDominique SangTried to give tax breaks for incest
16Flag of TURFWEmre TaşmakHas a bulldozer create new roads so he can avoid traffic
17Flag of CZEMFMarek OtřívecIn effort to "devalue currency", ordered everyone to wipe their ass with 100-euro notes
18Flag of IRLMFEisley BrothersExcessive shouting
19Flag of BRAMFMucusSeriously, he was so fucking gross
20Flag of COLMFArturo LongoHis PPV, "Horse Boxing 2: The Revenge" was not a big enough draw in his country
22Flag of MOZMFTafari SitatungaTried to use country's own wildlife as collateral in trade negotiations

Real Qaeda

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of TURGKAk-Ak AkStaged a fake alien invasion to assert his global dominance
3Flag of MEXDFAlberto RellenoHonors dead with annual taxidermy parade
4Flag of BELDFMikel Ver VoerIntroduced horse-drawn carriage demolition derbies to protect automaker's interests
5Flag of FRAMFAlain MalebouefOwned successful restaurant and hotel chain, hunted down and killed all slightly negative reviews
6Flag of BIHMFZiva ZakopanaEncouraged funeral industry to begin prematurely preparing the elderly
7Flag of USAMFBrett SchurtzSold cheaper government-issued versions of girl scout cookies
8Flag of NEDMFChristian De KockDesigned new national seal that looked far too much like a penis and balls
9Flag of MEXFWNacho SucioSolved farming problem by defecating in the water supply, made thousands ill
10Flag of GERFWRichard NeinhoffWorked tirelessly to censor and remove Baywatch
11Flag of BRAMFRomaldinhoPosed as Ronaldinho on countless ruined humanitarian visits
13Flag of USAGKAdam CarlsonDelivered tax refunds via hot air balloon and bag full of money
15Flag of ECUMFRuben ExactoAccidentally constructed presidential palace in wrong country
16Flag of NEDDFKlaas van ZessenEmployed homeless population as Santa Claus characters to invade Dutch family's homes
18Flag of SENMFPresident CisseTried to change his first name to "President" thinking it would get him elected
20Flag of CMRDFEmmanuel BlomboForced men to grow clits through genetic mutation only to cut them off
21Flag of RUSFWIlya KutyanutsovPenalty for every crime was castration for men, grafting of testicles to genitalia for women
23Flag of BRAFWBocetaAppointed himself country's only gynecologist
26Flag of ZIMDFSinister CabalWas the head of a... yeah, you guessed it, a sinister cabal
31Flag of TRIGKMethuselah VuvuzelaWhenever he'd play with his club team, he'd scream nonstop for all 90 minutes
32Flag of SUIDFOliver MuvellFormer Swiss Guard, tried to steal actual piece of Jesus' cross from Vatican

Sinn Féin FC

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of NZLGKGarrison TocsinTo study their habits, tracked wildlife by covering them in glittery paint
2Flag of KORDFChin Hung-ChuDue to fried chicken lobbyists, instituted $10 dollar minimum Fried Chicken Fried-days
3Flag of POLDFMariusz DembinskiTried to boost housing industry by offering free corpse of former resident with sale
4Flag of VENDFCaye TocinoLed revolution against nationwide ban on dancing which saw the rest of his compatriots killed
5Flag of BULMFMiroslav GlavaAdministered over 700 unsuccessful head transplants
6Flag of ARGDFJavier PomeloStarted a continent wide citrus smuggling ring
7Flag of ARGMFSebastian PlarazziInvited the press over, only to savagely assault them for invasion of privacy, did this five different times
9Flag of ALGFWKarim HavidiSingle-handedly brought and spread AIDS to all of Algeria
10Flag of ESPMFValentin TalamantesBought national broadcasting to only show programming that was "some ideas he was working on"
11Flag of WALFWSolomon GrundelPopulation control by forcing newborns to live entire life in one week
12Flag of RUSGKViktor TrenrivotaWouldn't shut up about his Crossfit knockoff
15Flag of WALDFRhys GadaelReplaced losing bell in National Spelling Bee with soundbyte of your dad yelling "I HAVE NO SON"
16Flag of PORFWJoao NataçãoSet up labor camps to punish kids for not waiting 30 minutes after eating to go swimming
17Flag of RSAFWSolomon BebesplitHe actually settled custody battles by cutting children in half
18Flag of IRLMFFingal BlisterburnKilled dozens of midgets thinking they were leprechauns using rainbows to control weather patterns
20Flag of RUSFWFeodor KlobbTaught bears to fire guns, barely survived a coup
21Flag of ISLMFFætur SvitissonMandated all people to smell like socks
22Flag of GERDFSimon GrabstubenInstalled new credit system, forced merchants to now accept threats on well-being as payment
24Flag of ENGMFSim MastersMandated his entire constituency to get plastic surgery to look exactly like him
27Flag of SUIMFKaiser HenriqueConvinced the entire nation that their telephone system wasn't a bunch of kids' toys

Slavic Scorpions

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of VENGKGabi PeleagalloHis interpretation of cockfighting was, let's say, very, very, incorrect
3Flag of ISRDFMort KaidenUsed uncle's Kick-kickery tactics on human skulls
4Flag of USADFBoyd SenburyAnnexed an International House of Pancakes as its own country for 6 days, hostage situation
5Flag of ALGMFGabir DejeunerFormer cop who told everyone to just not commit crimes during his lunch breaks
6Flag of ESPMFCarlos EtapaTried to pass off famous movie scenes for news reports
7Flag of NAMMFDorian EmusayPut entire country on lockdown due to gazelle invasion, lost 25% of country
8Flag of HONMFMiguel GolosinaLimited amount of candy grandparents could carry to three pieces at any time
9Flag of ENGFWMartin BeagleTried to turn Westminster Abbey into Westminister Dog Show Abbey
10Flag of CANFWJoe HitlerLocked up just because you can never be too sure
11Flag of GREMFDimitri BulbousForced his constituents to wear skin-tight uniforms for "enhanced jiggling"
13Flag of USAGKJerry CassToo many 911 booty calls
14Flag of NEDDFFranck Van der TautCombated failed museum investments with "Museum of Failed Museums" exhibit
15Flag of BULDFJakub PazarlukTried to bargain with the weather to bring floods to clear out population
16Flag of TURDFIbrahim AlicTried to move the entire capital city to another country overnight, failed spectacularly
17Flag of ECUDFJose DadosOpened government-funded casino, incorrectly designed games led to country's bankruptcy
18Flag of GREFWNico VaromikosArrested children based on tidiness of their rooms
19Flag of KORMFYoung Hong JoSpent military funding on government-sponsored boy band
20Flag of CZEMFPavel PrigOpened a national portrait gallery dedicated to hacked nudes of celebrities
22Flag of SUIFWChee SchweizelThought Swiss cheese was made by firing holes into cows
31Flag of USAGKRocky HatchIllegal meat smuggling ring, stole cows off farms

Sporting Gulag

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of BLSGKNazar PodzhogovskyDuring harsh winter, attempted to keep local homeless warm with blankets set on fire
2Flag of CODDFDaktari OngobongWouldn’t stop calling himself and the country "Doctor Congo"
3Flag of SCODFToogal McCrimmonOne of the men in plaid, jailed for insubordination
4Flag of SCODFAddie McCrimmonOne of the men in plaid, jailed for insubordination
6Flag of ARGMFCoito FerozAfter learning that bestiality technically was never illegal, he accidentally endorsed it constantly
7Flag of TRIMFJay ElemennoTried to make government mandate to rearrange the alphabet
8Flag of DENMFCrot VoyerEver-elusive vigilante that was his own nemesis, thus making his own economy
9Flag of LTUMFArturo GandasSued the entire population of the country for slander, just to be sure
10Flag of PORFWLuis SolteiroOrdered entire country to get divorced, outlawed marriage until he found the right person
11Flag of USAFWTJ RibletteShut down all restaurants in county except Applebee's, mandatory APPZ lines
13Flag of ITAGKEduardo FuncadeTrapped children in crane video games where their parents could never win them back
15Flag of ENGDFNigel PlopplyInsisted on teabagging everyone, once he learned what it meant
17Flag of SUIDFSigi StehimbissLet's just say the idea of a "sex buffet" is better in theory than in practice; there was mac and cheese everywhere
18Flag of POLDFPawel JedzeniakRemoved from power after trying to eat 47-page deposition
20Flag of CRCMFPancho LaberintoExperimented on sedated patients to try to create "first ever human digestive maze"
21Flag of ESPMFDelecheCreated "pumping stations" in effort to make country the leading exporter of breast milk
22Flag of PANFWHector EscupirendoTold all citizens to spit in a bucket in order to combat nationwide drought
27Flag of NIRMFIan MagoozinaryAmended national anthem to include the word "fuck" 12 times in first verse
28Flag of BELMFBert StroopwaffelTried to force whole family to survive solely on airport rations
34Flag of BRAFWJesusmanDefinitely not a savior

Sun City FC

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of POLGKMateusz ZabawskiLegalized marriage to playground equipment and children's toys
2Flag of ALBDFAleksariPoisoned his entire cabinet by serving them edible gold leaf in too high a quantity; the entire meal was wrapped in it
3Flag of TURDFMurat VermekEnacted law that if you posed as a doctor for a month, you got a free medical license
4Flag of CUBDFZino RobustoMutilated trick-or-treaters' fingers on Halloween with cigar cutter
5Flag of AUTDFJimmy OozeIs a filthy boy
6Flag of UKRDFOlek SpalyuvanyaHalted public book burning by urinating on pile of books, made things worse
7Flag of PORFWLuis AfogadoMisprint in road maps led to thousands dying and hundreds of cars found in sea
8Flag of SENMFSamson HailemariamTried to make reincarnation mandatory
9Flag of NGAMFJoseph HubbabubbaKidnapped dozens of Americans in New York City looking for a bride
10Flag of KORFWHan Ja-DongHid from cops for three days inside a vending machine, arrested for theft of snacks inside
12Flag of NEDGKWillem ver ZwarteTreated life-saving immunizations for children like Black Friday sales
14Flag of LTUDFRamunas MiskinivusAttempted to have entire government classified as a religion, unaware there were no tax breaks
15Flag of IRNMFKhadi KhadeiniReplaced all weapons with cardboard versions, was promptly invaded
16Flag of NZLMFBrendan MarenaSanctioned executions on anyone who turned down a marriage proposal in a public location
17Flag of SUIFWDidi ZauberHypnotized countless women to convince them they weren't pregnant
19Flag of AUTMFBart SchnurrbartenOutlawed all facial hair
20Flag of BRAMFRustyForced all midgets to assume one identity per two people, with trenchcoat on each other's shoulders
21Flag of SUIMFPhillip TrensprungerTransportation minister, offered discount tickets to ride on top of train
22Flag of POLFWJarek RazdwaskyAllowed government documents to leak because password was 12345
24Flag of MEXGKRonaldo EstadosunidosFought dogs. Like, actually fought against dogs. Punched dogs in the face.

CS Tirani Wallachia

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of SWEGKVeritable SmorgasbordForce fed his houseguests to the point of asphyxiation
2Flag of ALGDFHannibal PhalangeTried to conceal identity by eating own fingers; arrested for eating other people's fingers
3Flag of ROUDFBogdan PorumbAttempted viral "corn drill" challenge; forgot to take the drill out of somebody's head
4Flag of ENGDFOliver NippleguardPut armored guards at every gentleman's club in England
5Flag of HUNMFPatrik SzabolArrested for feeding the homeless… to each other
6Flag of SCODFRC IrnbruNeglected to ask customers if Pepsi was okay when a Coke was ordered
8Flag of UAEMFMughamaraFormer blackjack dealer who punched everybody that said "Hit me", and some who didn't
9Flag of COLMFHugo PuréTrafficked massive amounts of drugs hidden in baby food
10Flag of IDNFWGunga GalungaImpersonated the Dalai Lama
12Flag of JORGKAli DinzayifAccused of murdering princess after magic carpet did not float
14Flag of ROUDFAbaga ChipsMassive nation-wide manhunt ended due to literal breadcrumb trail
15Flag of CHIDFMateo AncianoHis faux pas at the bingo hall led to the largest elderly riot in written history
16Flag of ITAMFDonato AnimattiInitially lost election to a fictional cartoon character, arranged assassination attempt
18Flag of ROUFWDracu TepeșBrought in actual vampires to help with nationwide hospital blood shortage
19Flag of SVKMFTomas NarkoviGot all the local wildlife addicted to heroin
23Flag of HUNFWBela IhletOwns multiple inspirational Twitter accounts that RT and like each other
24Flag of SCOMFBrant GrantHas a terrible name; sentenced to death
28Flag of WALMFRobert HardySpent years studying the menstruation habits of coyotes

West Bank United

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of AUSGKGransfors BrookeEncouraged outdoor training by abandoning children in woods at age 7
2Flag of MEXDFQueso BlancoGummed up the entire sewage system with dairy runoff
3Flag of GERDFLucas HerrlingerGave all school children head lice in order to help build up immunity
4Flag of FRADFCharles La FollesDeclared war on authors of MAD Magazine after silly parody piece
5Flag of SAMDFGypsy DangerNo one in Samoa likes Van Morrison. Let's just leave it at that. No one.
6Flag of ITADFVincenzo OnzipeTried to create his own language, turned out to be just Pig Latin
8Flag of ENGMFVivian-Smith Smythe-SmithIn a bout of nostalgia, tried to bring back leprosy
9Flag of MEXFWBaja FreshReplaced guacamole with crystal meth, and no one noticed the difference for 3 years
10Flag of DENMFGoals GaloreHad a name that couldn't be said without screaming
11Flag of UKRMFIgor PorkaevCapital punishment involved getting your last request while being thrown off a cliff
14Flag of NIRFWEoin GryllsTried to make urine the official national beverage
15Flag of CHIGKDiabetic ComaForce fed sugar to kids; the collective withdrawal caused a 3-week riot
16Flag of ESPMFIker EtañoDeclared all Basque territory suitable as public restroom
17Flag of EQGMFKofa AmiriDeclared himself a god, replaced all fresh bodies of water with gelatin so he could walk on it
21Flag of IRLMFDon TimaghyFormer World Cup official, tried to call charging fouls on everybody
22Flag of NGAFWDanny DrinknothingTried to manage water shortage by encouraging "pretend beverages"
24Flag of ESTMFRando KangroImpregnated half the women in Estonia to raise "his own personal toddler army"
29Flag of FRADFNouvelle ChicaneHeld city-wide street racing tournament, but picked rush hour
34Flag of ENGFWRoland OrzabalNothing; the team loves Tears for Fears so they kidnapped one of the guys

Third Division

AS Caligula

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of ITAGKFrancisco CoproArrested for speeding due to having to go #2; ended up going #2 in police car
3Flag of GERDFJonas UnverblümtWas far too honest and forthcoming in online dating profile
4Flag of ITADFAntonio RigatoniStopped acting like a stereotype for 24 hours, was imprisoned for 15 years
5Flag of GUADFPablo F TompkinsHat store clerk who murdered customer who pointed at a crown and asked "how much for the king hat?"
6Flag of CHNDFXi Zhuang RuCreated "shame suits" for all public indecency cases; suits were lit on fire
7Flag of RUSMFPavel OpushenkovImprisoned anyone who didn't include him on invitations to Facebook events
8Flag of ESPFWRuben ChoqueProgrammed road rage into country's self driving cars
9Flag of ESPMFOdoro CuentoSuccessfully registered and accounted for every toilet in the country
10Flag of FRAFWSauvagge JardinHe truly, madly, deeply loved trying to have sex with the statues in public
11Flag of ISLMFKristjan IbuanenStole census results to try to meet women
15Flag of MEXMFEric DoradoHorrified nation by insisting all trial witnesses swear oath on biography of Dennis Rader
17Flag of ARGMFJorge ConstipadoPreacher who helped thousands find Jesus, and also stop having bowel movements
19Flag of BRAMFSeabassMurder; slit throats of two men who had a restaurant bill him for their meal
21Flag of TURMFMehmet HamamMassive population decline due to his "boys only" sexual activity law
22Flag of AUSFWMikey BraggardCommitted the perfect crime... until he posted all about it on social media
23Flag of FINFWPaavo KannotenZero tolerance legal policy led to 82 littering decapitations
24Flag of SCOGKKristoff GoldenshirePlayed that Proclaimers song every morning as a 6am nationwide wake up call
29Flag of NGADFHarold RaptureWarned of impending apocalypse so frequently, people stopped paying attention. Then the apocalypse actually happened
30Flag of IRLDFJameson BallantineHis idea of liquor licenses at cemetaries and funeral homes had horrible consequences
31Flag of ENGGKBryant ButterworthCandy enthusiast who assaulted vandal who egged his house with Cadbury eggs

Blood Diamonds FC

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
2Flag of BELDFAdam VerkardenTook wrong turn on road trip, ended up getting elected to local government
4Flag of SVKDFDragan BogdanovicPerformed fire-breathing routine at high school pep rally; 12 dead, 62 critically injured
5Flag of SRBDFMarko ZatvorenikAfter improving its conditions, blamed for nationwide problem of people trying to break INTO prisons
6Flag of USAMFBlazia DeadhomieHe's a juggalo who blazed one too many dead homies
7Flag of USAMFBob BowlingCoach; his team stunk, but they also weren't good kids
8Flag of JAMMFCalvin DuppyTold ghost stories that were way too scary
11Flag of IRLFWNick McCarthyCreated 1:1 replica of entire city so he could play Sim City with real life
12Flag of GHAGKAbraham DingudunguLegalized polygamy, then married every woman in the entire country
13Flag of AUSGKGregory Andy PowellImprisoned for not understanding nicknaming rules
15Flag of RSAMFAfrika BambaataaLed a series of movements that just turned out to be elaborate dance routine
17Flag of CMRDFAcute TachycardiaThe cardinal sin: Did not play with enough heart
18Flag of SUIDFLindt SteuerbergUpset tax collector when he tried to pay back taxes in candy
19Flag of SUIMFDario MonopolBuys all the discounted candy on the day after holidays, repackages it for later holidays
20Flag of NORMFTor BrannstiftDemanded that fire department fight fires by starting other, more problematic fires
22Flag of USAFWNewton WareagleAfter scoring a goal in youth league, hit the dab like a glory boy
23Flag of SCOFWRory GardnerRiding lawnmower rampage led to slowest high speed chase ever
24Flag of GREMFPyro HysteriaFormed Def Leppard cover band; sawed off drummer's arm against his will
26Flag of ALGGKFarid ToujadiVandalized an entire theme park he forgot he built because he didn't agree with it
28Flag of CZEMFMilos ProstredniFailed attempt to change meaning of middle finger
32Flag of BELFWAlex De PommesPassed law allowing him to visit fast food restaurants and take fries from patrons' trays

FC Castro

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of ENGGKChris VolkmireGame designer on Battletoads
2Flag of NGADFKorowai KolufoHis population control measures limited number of children allowed per family by enforced cannibalism
3Flag of BULDFStefan SoskovPizza Hut executive who removed the P'Zone from the menu
4Flag of DENDFMushy AndensePoisoned oatmeal to control elderly population, ended up making it flavorful and not killing anyone
5Flag of CUBDFJorge JipjopWore the wrong hat
6Flag of ESPMFDamiano EspirituMade entire supreme court drop ecstacy before deliberations
7Flag of RUSMFAlexei TikhonovContributed to Soviet arms race by presenting premier with actual arms and not weapons
8Flag of FRAMFGoofus GallantTried to jump over presidential motorcade; kicked first lady in head
9Flag of DENMFNiklas KlipningLegalized "fighting back" if you get a bad haircut
10Flag of NEDFWHabbersett ScrappleExposed himself to the Amish, literally the entire Amish population
11Flag of CRCFWAntonio PescadoDrowned countless children in effort to get them to develop gills
13Flag of MEXDFJavier PastelOnly weapon the military was trained in was the cream pie
14Flag of KORMFYong-Sun PakHead of aviation commission, allowed children and the elderly to be stowed above seats in bins
15Flag of CRCFWPablo CocodriloThrew a live alligator into a Wendy's drive-thru
16Flag of PORMFAfonso BizpeizaTurned popular children's arcade and pizza spot into multi-purpose arcade and strip club
17Flag of GREDFSpiros AkragasBrought back the brazen bull… look it up
18Flag of MEXMFGuillermo LagartoDue to overpopulation, put entire country on an all-lizard diet
22Flag of CROGKAnadarko BasinInsisted his flatulence could be harvested as an energy source
24Flag of CGOFWPrince MoisiRan a black market moldy food ring that infringed upon legal moldy food industry
30Flag of MEXGKSantiago CaimanesStarted his own "alligator wrestling" promotion that involved no humans, except the ones that the gators ate

FC Dixie 1963

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of UKRGKArtem TorgetovskyTurned national park into shooting gallery, didn't put up signs or tell tourists
2Flag of CZEDFOndrej BytovyLived in a home furnishings store for 12 years before being discovered
3Flag of CANDFTerrence FordMade it illegal to carry brightly colored balloons
4Flag of AUSDFSkunky CiderUnderpoured beers, the gravest crime to commit in Australia
5Flag of BULDFStoyan SuapmetBankrupted country's largest department store accepting literally anything for store credit
6Flag of BRAMFAdeleDoesn't stop singing. Like, ever
8Flag of TURMFMeat ProbablyTacos didn't catch on in Turkey; they really, really didn't
9Flag of GERFWBig Boy Dominic SchneiderMistakenly arrested for organized crime just by playing a pro wrestler with a mobster gimmick
10Flag of RSAFWAkua ParfuumSwapped out all drinking water for cologne
11Flag of FRAFWFancy SoireePresidential party crasher
12Flag of SRBGKStefan PatkaDenied minorities from attending college; accepted water fowl instead
13Flag of USAGKMatt MartiniWife beating
15Flag of USAMFCornelius DonaldsonWorld's most infamous soul train bandit
16Flag of POLMFIwo DutkaTried to adopt swastika as national symbol, in order to "take it back"
18Flag of MLIMFKeita NiameyWas never taught the appropriate way to pronounce "Niger"
20Flag of CZEMFMiku VykalySpend millions on research to locate the best bathroom spots in effort to start "poop tourism"
22Flag of JPNFWMasafumi OtoMade vomiting illegal
23Flag of JPNDFKona IshikamiMade August "Expose Yourself to the Elderly Month"
25Flag of PAKMFMendi MilpmoopDoesn't get the whole "sacred cow" thing
28Flag of USADFJosh ChardonnayUsed the word "nodes" far too frequently in regular conversation

Eastern Traffickers FC

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
2Flag of GHADFDoctor PermissionLeader of street gang of doctors performing drive-by physicals
4Flag of NZLDFCharlie CoaliesTied woman to railroad tracks while rubbing his hands together
7Flag of USAMFAR MasonPronounced it "Ar-KAN-Sas". You don't ever do this
8Flag of USAMFMaximillian DevineMotivational speaker whose speeches solely consisted of yelling "NEW YORK CITY!"
9Flag of BHRMFDindu NuffinFirefighter busted for eating chicken while an entire city burned
10Flag of NEDMFWillem OnachtzaamAccused of lying when caught wearing "#1 Dad" t-shirt
11Flag of AUSFWMark AnkabiteTypo in restaurant promotion "Eat Kids Free" led to widespread cannibalism outbreak
12Flag of GREGKTiktik PapalazarouKidnapped hundreds of wives, turned himself in when the husbands didn't want them back AM I RIGHT FELLAS?
14Flag of USADFDustin DeWynnThird worst Kansas cover band in the world
15Flag of LIBDFRami KibbeSparked nationwide restaurant bathroom debate by insisting folks simply go into the kitchen and relieve self in cookware
16Flag of GEODFHootie SpacklerOnly person ever unfriended on Facebook by Jim Nantz
17Flag of NZLMFNoah MutungaConsistently replied to texts and chat messages in an incredibly untimely manner
18Flag of ROUMFNico RascumparStaged fake ransom letters to United Nations in attempt to get aid
19Flag of PERFWDiego OpiaceoDeclared war on drugs by saying "you can get high on anything"; proceeded to try to ban "anything"
20Flag of KORMFBong Je ChoeAppointed exclusively stuffed animals and anthropomorphic toys to the nation's high courts
21Flag of HUNDFKristof SvensavasFart noises did not go over well in address to congress
23Flag of ENGFWDennis CrentistIs a dentist
29Flag of IRLMFDoyle O'DoolinStone sober
31Flag of EGYGKTu TombaTried to lock himself inside a sarcophagus "to steal their powers"

FSV Blitzkrieg 43

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of BELGKPeter VerlijkMandated life in prison sentences to include keeping corpses there permanently
2Flag of NEDDFFranck BuffelAssaulted pedestrians with nothing but hot sauce and his genitals
5Flag of BULMFViktor BrachenKept trying to mail deposits to sperm bank until C&D came from postal service
6Flag of IRLDFHoke KoganKicked out at 3.1
7Flag of GERMFPetar KnackwurstAssaulted diners at vegan cafe with various sausages
8Flag of SCOMFJake ThrawnArrested after constantly needing the fire department to get self down from tree
9Flag of MEXFWAbbi MelocotonesStole all the corn in a nearby county to make the tortilla for one gigantic taco
10Flag of PARFWMario GoatseBroke into houses to change people's internet homepages, did nothing else
11Flag of GERFWBen PrimantiYou know that guy who put fries on your sandwich when you went to wash your hands? We got him.
12Flag of MEXGKMati StimulandoEnacted anti-modesty law to anyone who wouldn't masturbate in public on command
13Flag of FRADFRonald GarrosManufacturing error led to Pringles potato chips and Wilson tennis balls switching packaging
16Flag of NEDDFKooi GevechtenNot only did he set up a day care as a front for toddler MMA, it became the most popular day care in the country
17Flag of CZEMFPavel StruderitAfter getting the idea on IRC chat, knocked out dozens by slapping them with a large trout
18Flag of DENMFAnton HakketenSold people jewelry made with their own fingers; also he chops off people's fingers
20Flag of ALGMFNazim KharutumWent on rampage after a playful garden hose fight escalated into a revenge mission
22Flag of PORFWRicardo VibrãoChief of police who arrested people for "just giving off bad vibes, man"
23Flag of GERMFDaniel FetischEndlessly hounds porn stars on Twitter
28Flag of ARGDFLorenzo BocaplateReally wanted to play in this league, so he went up to league officials and tried to kill one of them
29Flag of FROMFPumis MagmahSomehow triggered every active volcano in the area to erupt at once

Hugo Chávez FC

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of ITAGKGio AnnullatoDeclared martial law every time a favorite TV show was canceled
2Flag of NORDFLars BordellGave away a free Escort to the winner of a high school bake sale; just not a Ford Escort
3Flag of SRBMFAlex RaskidInsisted on naming every single one of his pieces of legislation after an ex
5Flag of LTUDFMatas SterilizuotiDisgruntled dental employee who dipped all cleaning utensils in toilet
6Flag of IRNDFShah KhakhanKilling spree after one too many people asked him to "tell me something good"
7Flag of GREMFGiorgos MalliakosCollected human hair to clog up pipes in houses to improve his plumbing business
9Flag of ITAFWAntonio ScoopanaStingy gelato server
10Flag of USAFWJoe RococoInterruped singing of national anthem to shout "O!" Never stopped shouting "O!"
11Flag of GREMFAngelos LykanthroposAccused all hairy men of being werewolves, then killed them
12Flag of MARGKTayeb TeberiukTried to abolish all weights and measures, all items had to be measured in "jugs"
14Flag of HUNMFPatrik VazInsisted that all skeletons in museums, schools, and doctor offices must have genitals censored
16Flag of BOLDFMario de CuerdaJudge who killed countless defendants when they couldn't climb the 300-foot ladder to courtroom
18Flag of GREMFAntoni OrcheisEndorsed and incorporated castration as part of national health and fitness plan
20Flag of AUSMFTommie KinghitFor over two years, all court trials were decided by who could take a punch better
21Flag of PORFWRodrigo NaocomaStole from clothes donation bins; merchandise never found because he ate the clothing
22Flag of MEXMFLuis CarrerasArrested at Kentucky Derby for punching all of the horses in the face while at the starting gate
23Flag of CZEDFOskar KlacekPlayed whack-a-mole with a sledgehammer... and a children's playground
26Flag of FRAMFMarion LivermushDeclared that spoiled meats were the only to be consumed for economical reasons
27Flag of ESPFWAlvaro Dos SemanasGot himself elected by deceiving constituents he had 2 weeks to live
33Flag of ITAMFIndo SatriceTurned dead bodies into department store mannequins; was fine until they started decomposing

Independiente Manzanar

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of SCOGKGriff NickersTortured prisoners by forcing them to wear really, really tight underwear
2Flag of FRADFTheo CaptifHeld zoo animals hostage until demands of balloons and funnel cake were met
4Flag of CRODFDaro PogresanKidnapping charges after never bothering to check if he picked up the right kid from school
5Flag of CANFWJason JenningsPurposely did not uncover all of the clues while playing "Jeopardy", opting to let the clock run out
6Flag of WALDFNoel de FaidTried to lead great sheep uprising
7Flag of ROUMFSander InchipuitGave grown-up imaginary friends of children the right to vote
8Flag of PORMFDavid SujeicaoTurns out his interrogation technique was nothing more than a sex dungeon
9Flag of JAMFWJoel DemshotTurned busy intersection into live action shooting gallery
10Flag of ENGFWGeorge BassianusShakespearean method actor; only knows "Titus Andronicus"
12Flag of POLGKMarek BolzebaLied about edible plateware at restaurant chain to bolster dental business
14Flag of CANDFGordie GordonRemoved poster of Rush from local Beavertails
15Flag of ITADFLorenzo RicottaArrested for animal abuse after stuffing pet cat full of lasagna in an attempt to "make it funnier"
16Flag of RSAMFDaniel UshakaArrested after challenging and defeating every shark in aquarium to a fist fight
17Flag of NEDMFDuu van LuiersBanned breastfeeding in public, as well as diaper changing, forcing babies to walk around with full diapers
18Flag of ENGMFMarcus ColbyIllegal ring of prostitution under guise of soccer
19Flag of LVAMFRobin KautinsLearned to be lead investor in underground toddler pit fighting ring
20Flag of USAMFRaymond GreenbergBall kicking - Okay in football, not in basketball
23Flag of ITAFWEddie SpaggsTerrible Italian food, like, this is a serious serious crime
25Flag of DENMFEric BackerVigilant "all or nothing" anti smoking campaign, either quit or literally choke on tobacco
26Flag of CANGKMountain DanSet couches on fire while people were still sitting on them

Odessa Wanderers

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of LUXGKDamien NatronAccused of bioterrorism after trying to revive dormant volcanoes with giant defibrillator and baking soda
2Flag of CRODFNiko ZivizicBuilt a wall out of human beings
3Flag of ENGDFGary PunditFormer TV sports journalist who removed football highlights in lieu of "Who's Now?"
4Flag of AUTDFDavid FressereiThousands got sick when it was learned his hot dog chain was a front for cannibalism
6Flag of TURMFKundak CilikHypochondriac who burned down hospitals when they misdiagnosed what he thought he had
7Flag of FRAMFVictor CouvertLeft a little lingerie on the deck. Seriously. He is a serial lingerie thief.
8Flag of ROUMFCaz UrgentaDue to budget cuts, merged emergency response with phone sex lines
9Flag of CROMFMarko CiscenjaAggressive mopper
10Flag of BELFWAdam RellischVandalized entire capital city with nothing but condiments
11Flag of GERFWLiam MunchausenHeld telethon for seventeen years to raise money for made-up form of disease: nipple cancer
13Flag of CANGKGeorge MorrisonWas once 7'7; had pituitary surgery against wishes of Canadian gov't, who wanted better basketball team
14Flag of IRLMFCormac UlyssesBecame best selling author by aggressively plagiarizing James Joyce
15Flag of IRLFWFinn CastleBuilt a giant moat to "try to catch all the bad guys"
16Flag of SRBDFLuka PorezDidn't pay taxes out of sheer laziness
17Flag of SRBMFNemanja LetaEccentric kids' show producer; replaced "Pie Pod" with "Grenade Pod"
19Flag of SUIMFDavid GodivaHis homemade Chocolate Wonderfall for this year's office Christmas party was not chocolate
22Flag of NEDDFNoah SchuldigSubmitted clips to "Funniest Home Videos" show that were all him committing serious crimes
24Flag of RUSGKNikolai UstinovInsisted on taking selfies with the deceased at all military funerals
25Flag of BRAMFRicardo BombeiroFirefighter accused of murdering rival firefighters because they were putting out "his" fires
27Flag of KORDFLee Oebu-KoGraphic designer who put the noses on the Michael Bay Ninja Turtles

FC Tiananmen 89

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of GHAGKDiplomatic ImmunityYears of private access due to his name came back to haunt him
3Flag of GERDFFrankfurt GalaxySevere copyright infringement
4Flag of RUSDFDenis ObezyanaAccidentally let a baby gorilla fall into an enclosed area full of children
5Flag of RUSMFNikita KorobeinikovImprisoned for fighting against racism and sexism in video games. Specifically, Tetris.
6Flag of AUTMFWilhelm SzkremMurdered every person who couldn't pronounce his name correctly
7Flag of ESPMFDiego ChepaMurdered a guy who called Wednesday "Hump Day", claimed it was ableist against people with spine curvature
8Flag of KGZMFAlmazbek KongatijevAnnoyingly corrects those who misspell or mispronounce "Kyrgyzstan"; also goes by "Steve"
9Flag of HUNFWSamir BalzacDemanded that all underwear be accompanied by a matching pair worn on head
10Flag of PERFWWawawasiVoted the owner of the most dangerous day care in all of South America
11Flag of KORFWIrwin FongSent one too many "Very much making bigger the cock" spam emails to college campuses
12Flag of CHNGKKele WangUrinated in somebody's Coke as a prank
13Flag of BELDFThomas OntbijtSent himself to prison for "playing God" when trying to create pancake-waffle hybrid
14Flag of UZBDFAziz HaydovchievStarted overpriced taxi service to capitalize on people trying to flee the country
16Flag of JPNMFTsuyoshi IrabuFell out of upper deck with baby at baseball game trying to catch foul ball; did not catch foul ball
18Flag of NEDMFRuben AfvalAttempted to cut down on pollution by encouraging recycling program on medical waste
19Flag of JPNMFOkina SenUnironically wore a "Big Johnson" T-shirt in the year 2016
22Flag of ISRMFDaniel BergMovie producer who became burglar to acquire props for latest movie
23Flag of AUSFWAdam MonieEncouraged nation to worship false Billy Idols
26Flag of AUSDFMichael AtkinsonAfter playing GTA for first time, made "everything legal" for 3 days

FC Torpedo Nagasaki

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of ESPGKMontoro MortadoBuilt a Dia De Los Muerte corn maze that caused the death of 15 people
2Flag of ECUDFTomas DefenestradoInsisted on exiting all rooms through windows, causing millions of dollars in window damages
3Flag of CHNDFZhou XiaofuChose "Mystery Box" over acquittal
4Flag of IRLDFBuddington DwyerKept trying to yell catchphrases every time he used his gun, before being kicked off police force
5Flag of JPNMFJoe KobashiInterrupted street fights to slap everyone on the chest
6Flag of JPNDFKika KasaiTried to build giant mecha robot that only sparked and fell over, setting ablaze to an entire street
7Flag of JAMFWJimi SalmonSang all the time. Like literally… all the damn time
8Flag of EGYMFAli ViudaAll eggs must be served scrambled under penalty of death
9Flag of JPNMFHideki BokowaraiMember of live sitcom studio audience who punched the other members after an unnecessary woo
11Flag of JPNFWRyu EmojiDeclared the official language was changed to "YouTube"
12Flag of JPNGKGilubato InshoVoted Japan's worst impressionist 6 years in a row; every character is Gilbert Gottfried; cannot do Gilbert Gottfried
13Flag of ESPGKIker EscaleraHandicapped rights activist who removed all stairs in city but neglected to build ramps; many falls ensued
14Flag of GERDFEintracht BraunschweigHuge distraction as his name was just too much fun to say
15Flag of RSADFCargo DufresneTo combat prisoners escaping, built obstacle course that leads to neighboring countries
19Flag of JPNMFToshiro OkeshiRefused to give son medical attention after he broke his neck in an obstacle course
20Flag of JPNMFTomo RokoshiFirst person to put corn on pizza, inspiring school cafeterias all over the American south
21Flag of SWEFWFar KostrumMandatory uniform including crocs and boat shorts
23Flag of JPNFWHogei MorishiboRenowned whale hunter who used his last harpoon on a really big guy
34Flag of ENGMFOscar McConnellBuilt amusement park dedicated solely to racism
39Flag of BRAMFMarcos SobreInspired by pro bull riding, developed competition of riding on top of speeding automobiles

VC Saigon

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of SVKGKPiotr HovoriticDetermined to deliver world's longest inauguration speech, people starved to death
3Flag of MNEMFVodi SkijanjeHis solution to flooding problems was to surgically graft skis to everyone
4Flag of GERMFGunther SternweissMicroaggressions (he ran over a midget with a car)
5Flag of ISLDFRobert VanillusSpraypainted "Collaborate and Listen" on every stop sign in the city
6Flag of TURDFUçak KazasHis idea to give every citizen their own helicopter caused issues, as you might imagine
7Flag of POLMFFilip SufitowskiGlued toilet paper dispensers in local restaurant to high ceilings
8Flag of USAFWDank RivervalleLittering with stupid internet pictures
9Flag of ESPFWSherrald DangelProclaimed Dan Brown to be nation's official novelist
10Flag of BELMFAdam Von ToereikendBrought food in for the office, but not enough for everybody
11Flag of URUFWLuis BancariaBank robber who had name tattooed on his forehead and forgot to buy a mask
14Flag of POLDFKarel BluznierskiMade it illegal to swear at animals
15Flag of NEDDFSimon VekomaPut an ill-timed "RAISE HANDS NOW" sign on a rollercoaster, resulting in the removal of hundreds of kids' arms
17Flag of KORDFKwon Jang NanFormer baseball player who flipped his bat in excitement post-home run. THIS IS AGAINST THE RULES.
21Flag of UZBMFDevor MuallaqTeacher who gave out school children as decorative wall hangings
22Flag of AUSGKHarry FleckeriOpened a pet shop of nothing but poisonous animals; no repeat customers
23Flag of SWEMFBryn ÖgonssonShaved numerous unibrows; used that hair to give many people unibrows
24Flag of FINFWJari LapioAfter seemingly unending snowstorms, legalized shovel-wielding vigilante justice
26Flag of KORMFJeongi PhoStole police taser to exact revenge on guy who put hot sauce in his soup
29Flag of ROUDFDarius BantuitProprietor of haunted mansion, arrested after one of his monsters killed four meddling kids and their dog
39Flag of NIRMFThomas DallAssaulted numerous blind people under assumption they could see and therefore see it coming

VfL Kony 2012

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of NIRGKBryn BrigbruhReplaced all drinking water with Mountain Dew
2Flag of BDIDFMoses SuluhuLed a team to "make truce with nature", ended up getting them eaten by lions and gorillas
3Flag of RSADFJunior RivoniaOffered to sponge bathe all dark-skinned people that he honestly thought were just covered in dirt
4Flag of GEODFDunlap TargeetanFormer limo driver of the ayatollah
5Flag of KENMFDiembee SomuchtosaySang in the car exactly like Dave Matthews; sentenced to death
7Flag of BFAMFUpper VoltaTwin brother jailed for nationwide bunkbed battle
8Flag of URUFWMiguel ViboraForced all computer wallpaper to be same picture of him holding a large snake
9Flag of CODMFAliki BoomboomdownAfrica's worst rapper, six years running
10Flag of USAFWLewis GatesCollege president accepted too many students to create "Black Friday" style admissions
11Flag of ISLMFIngvard SnjossonJailed after taking what was a harmless snowball fight much too far, leaving 6 dead
12Flag of BHRGKMansour IokharitHeld off police in 2-hour chase with turtle shells and banana peels
16Flag of BFADFLower VoltaTwin brother jailed for nationwide bunkbed battle
17Flag of MARMFFez RongliReally trying to campaign for Kony 2016, doesn't get that it's not an election
18Flag of RSAFWAdam VoorwerpHunted inanimate objects for sport, wasted countless government funds on this
19Flag of ESTMFMark LapsevankerenElected official whose government was tired of his demand to push him around in giant stroller
21Flag of RSAMFMorris StevelandPretended to be blind, for YEARS
23Flag of TUNFWKhinzi JalladAccidentally killed someone with well-thrown actual pigskin to prove he was a elite
25Flag of GREDFAlex KapranosAbducted kids at polling stations when their parents didn't vote for him
26Flag of SCODFTaylor PorkrollSparked a civil war over the proper name for various local delicacies
31Flag of ENGGKPackie ShoresTried to outsource his own government overseas

FC Vlada Chernobyl

No. Pos. Player Why They Are Terrible People
1Flag of GERGKAlexander SchemakatzIssued all citizens mandated email addresses, sends nothing but cat photos and chain letters
3Flag of BRADFGakDid not find the flag in the Blue Plate Special; sentenced to death
4Flag of DENDFUlf GnaversenHired himself out as a hitman for rodent problems; the collateral damage was significant
5Flag of GERDFPhilipp AusbruchGiving prisoners full internet access led to very professional and successful escapes
6Flag of PERMFAlex CeleradoIn order to improve average life expectancy, shortened year length to 100 days
7Flag of NGAMFCondo TimeshareRepairs fax machines that send out 419 scam messages
9Flag of FRAMFGerard PanierResponsible for countless deaths after limiting legal shopping hours to 2 hours a day
10Flag of RUSFWArtem VoynakovAfter harsh winter, declared War On Science for freezing majority of nation's water
11Flag of POLFWPiotr LublaborkDeveloped first ever all mesh aircraft carrier, killed 350 naval officers
13Flag of BLSMFVlad SterylnykovHis hand sanitizer chugging addiction started a filth epidemic
14Flag of HUN