| ||
| 2017 Diddler Cup Racing Series | ||
|---|---|---|
| Dates | June 11, 2017 to December 17, 2017 | |
| Sport | Stock Car Racing | |
| Game Used | NASCAR Racing 2003 | |
| Format | Points Championship | |
| Participants | 32 | |
| Matches Played | 20 of 20 | |
| Champion(s) | Jean-Paul Henry | |
| Diddler Cup series | ||
| 2017 | 2018 | |
The 2017 Diddler Cup Racing Series was the first ever season of stock car racing to come to IRM, and first ever season of the Diddler Cup Racing Series.
The season began on June 11 at Diddler Motor Speedway in South Tucson, Arizona with the SO MUCH CHICKEN 300, and concluded on December 17 with TEXAS: The Race at Actually TEXAS Motor Speedway, How Did They Let Us Do This, We Have A Driving Horse For Crying Out Loud in Fort Worth, TEXAS.
Jean-Paul Henry won the first-ever championship, in the #40 Chevy Prizm, sponsored by Ludger Beer Bombs.
Commentary Team
- Chip Chapman (Bryan) - Veteran play by play racing announcer
- "Lightning" Lloyd Shivers (RJ) - Former South Tucson short track champion
Special Guests
- Beaumont Jenkins (Caveman) - President of the Wooba Bally Fan Club
- Don Russ (Will) - Wealthy southern baseball card magnate, general sister-fucker
- Jacob P. Cockburn (Blake) - Wealthy hot sauce magnate
- "Roll Tide" (Roll) - Maintenance Worker at the Richard Petty Driving Experience
Teams and Drivers
| Manufacturer | No. | Driver | Sponsor |
|---|---|---|---|
| Chevrolet Prizm |
2 | Paul Walker | BOXAWYNE |
| 8 | Jeff Gordon, The Horse | GUNK | |
| 9 | Stumpy Lane | GumBooze | |
| 15 | Kevin Boughner-Pillman | Dongerex InjectiPen | |
| 25 | Jasper Cuttysark | Throat Candy Tobacco Losenges | |
| 38 | Jeff Chinese | Jeff's Chinese | |
| 40 | Jean-Paul Henry | Ludger Beer Bombs | |
| 44 | "Blind" Bob McGee | The Molested Pig BBQ | |
| 69 | Otto Bahn | Nice... | |
| Dodge Stratus |
12 | Rusty Arkana | LOA |
| 22 | Bowie Jessup | HCL | |
| 28 | Ennio Sporini | Wall to Wall Salve | |
| 33 | Reverend Pastorchavez | Christ Punch | |
| 49 | Joey Rochester | Roadblock | |
| 60 | Big Daddy Thibodeaux | Tusconade | |
| 75 | "El Matador" Toto Rosanna | Air Supply | |
| 87 | Harry Gunt | Butterfield Diet Plan | |
| 90 | Jimmy Poots | Filthy Boys | |
| Ford Pinto |
4 | Giaccomo Giaccomo | KISS |
| 11 | Jim Blossoms | KFC "I Ate The Bones" | |
| 17 | Cotton Stuffbody | Taxidermy WOW! | |
| 35 | Paul Alcohol | Bathhouse Jim's Bathtub Gin | |
| 41 | Richard Blood | Plasma Train | |
| 47 | Joe-Jon Winchester | Just Guns | |
| 00 | Morris Mayfield | Nihilist Arby's | |
| Pontiac Bonneville |
20 | Burt McKitchen | Slip's Red Hot Pizza |
| 21 | B.D. Joseph | www.LegalBetForRealMoney.gov | |
| 32 | Rickie Walton | Temecula Dirt | |
| 66 | Fat Darryl | RU Hungry Grease Trucks | |
| 99 | Elmer Twist | SlapMart | |
| 103 | Wooba Bally | Hugger Oranges | |
| Toyota Yaris |
10 | Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver | Most Glorious Mr. Naga |
Schedule
| No. | Race Title | Track | Date |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | SO MUCH CHICKEN 400 | Diddler Motor Speedway, South Tucson, Arizona | June 11, 2017 |
| 2 | Corso, What The Hell Are You Doing, This Is Super Dangerous | The Actual Roads of South Tucson, South Tucson, Arizona | June 13, 2017 |
| 3 | "Daytona" "500" | Richard Petty Driving Experience, Daytona Beach, Florida | June 21, 2017 |
| 4 | We Put a Bat in Everybody's Car 500 | Too Far Speedway, Tulsa, Oklahoma | June 28, 2017 |
| 5 | Africa by Toto 99 (There's nothing that 100 laps or more could ever do.) | ABBA: The Racetrack, The City of Europe | July 2, 2017 |
| 6 | Cinnafist 300 | Gristol Motor Speedway, Gristol, Tennessee | July 5, 2017 |
| 7 | High Speed Police Chase Grand Prix | Ventura Highway, San Fernando Valley, California | July 12, 2017 |
| 8 | Why. Why are we doing this? 400 | 7 Days Since Last Workplace Accident Raceway, Pensacola, Florida | July 20, 2017 |
| 9 | KISS presents I Wanna Rock & Roll 400 All Night And Pit Party Every Day presented by KISS | There Is Only One Racetrack In America, Richmond, Virginia | July 24, 2017 |
| 10 | Guy's American Bar & Grand Prix | Flavor Town Expressway, Flavor Town, USA | August 23, 2017 |
| 11 | Parts Unknown 300 | Parts Unknown Raceway, Parts Unknown | September 3, 2017 |
| 12 | St Elsewhere 250 | The Snow Globe, Mind of an Autistic Child, Ohio | September 10, 2017 |
| GumBooze Pointless Wreck-stravaganza | Turning Test Track, Shorter, Alabama | September 21, 2017 | |
| 13 | Nihilist Arby's Endless Monotonous Loop | Desolate Ellipse, Hell, Michigan | October 1, 2017 |
| 14 | Most Glorious & Honorable Mr. Naga's Most Glorious & Honorable 500 | Most Glorious and Blue Speedway, Oyama, Japan | October 11, 2017 |
| 15 | The Proclaimers' I Would Walk 500 | WCW Hog Wild 1996 Speedway at Sturgis, Sturgis, South Dakota | October 22, 2017 |
| 16 | Mississippi Queen by Mountain 200 | Rosenlodge Speedway, Tupelo, Mississippi | November 15, 2017 |
| 17 | 200 laps for FREE PIZZA! | Darlington Raceway's Cheaper Mexican Fascimile, "El Darlington", El Darlington, Mexico | November 19, 2017 |
| 18 | Someone Will Probably Get Hurt. Badly. 300 | Inconveniently Far From A Hospital Speedway, Scenic Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania | December 3, 2017 |
| 19 | GumBooze DUI 500 | Beer Gut Gully, Beer Gut, Missouri | December 10, 2017 |
| 20 | TEXAS: The Race | Actually TEXAS Motor Speedway, How Did They Let Us Do This, We Have A Driving Horse For Crying Out Loud, Fort Worth, TEXAS | December 17, 2017 |
Season Summary
Race Reports
Race 1: SO MUCH CHICKEN 400
Jeff Gordon The Horse started on pole in the #8 GUNK Chevy Prizm. After bringing the cars to the green flag, he was overtaken by Jeff Chinese in the #38 Jeff's Chinese car. Chinese opened up as much as a 4-second lead on second place at one point, with El Matador Toto Rosanna driving the #75 Air Supply Dodge opening up a similar gap between 2nd and 3rd. With lapped traffic to contend with, the lead shrunk to under 1 second at one point. However, the race's first caution came at lap 76 of 100, when Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver tried to turn onto pit road and made contact with Kevin Boughner-Pillman. This accident took out many cars, including the race leader and second place, Chinese and Rosanna. After a round of pit stops, Joey Rochester lead the race in the #49 Roadblock car. Two more caution flags came out shortly after attempted restarts, and finally the green flag waved with 7 laps to go. However, Rochester could only hold the lead until lap 99 of 100, when Morris Mayfield made a daring pass inside on the turn to take the #00 Nihilst Arby's Ford Pinto into the lead for the white flag, and held onto that lead to win the race.
Race 2: Corso, What The Hell Are You Doing, This Is Super Dangerous
Blind Bob McGee started on the pole in the #44 Molested Pig BBQ Chevy Prizm. After racing as wide as 7 cars on this 12-mile course, Jean-Paul Henry took the lead on the first lap in the #40 Ludger Beer Bombs Chevy. The incredibly wide road played a serious part in this race, putting local residents in incredible danger. After lap 2 of 10, the field began to separate, with a pack of 9 cars creating a 1 second gap, led by Kevin Boughner-Pillman and his #15 Dongerex InjectiPen car. As Paul Walker's #2 BOXAWYNE car dropped off the lead pack, Boughner-Pillman held onto the race lead just past the halfway point. However, for reasons unknown, both Boughner-Pillman and Henry, the race's only two leaders so far, were forced to pit, dropping the lead pack to 6 cars. Jeff Chinese led lap 7 of 10, with the lead pack nearly avoiding a DAMN RAILROAD TRAIN. However, potentially that DAMN RAILROAD TRAIN forced Jimmy Poots and the #90 Filthy Boys car to pit. With 3 laps to go, Wooba Bally took the lead in a lead pack of 5 cars, alongside Jeff Chinese, Jasper Cuttysark, Jim Blossoms, and Elmer Twist, who would fall back with 2 to go. On the final stretch, the racing was heated, but the battle for 2nd allowed Wooba Bally's #103 Hugger Oranges Pontiac Bonneville to maintain his lead to the checkered flag. Cuttysark, Chinese, and Blossoms and Big Daddy Thibodeaux's #60 Tucsonade Dodge rounded out the top 5 at the lead of a pack of 7 cars, but Wooba Bally led a front pack of 4 to win the race.
Race 3: "Daytona" "500"
Jasper Cuttysark started on the pole in the #25 Throat Candy Tobacco Lozenges Chevy Prizm. However, it was outside pole sitter Rusty Arkana leading the first lap of 56 in the #12 LOA Dodge. Cuttysark would lead a lap before dropping to the middle of the pack. Jeff Gordon The Horse took a turn leading a lap in the #8, before conceding the lead to El Matador Toto Rosanna's #75 Air Supply Dodge. Rosanna took the lead in lap 6 when the first and only caution flag of the race came out, and it was pole sitter Jasper Cuttysark, who got loose, put his car into the wall, and took out Joey Rochester, who qualified 3rd and also fell back. Harry Gunt's #87 Butterfield Diet Plan car was also involved. Cuttysark & Rochester, who sat 2nd and 3rd in the points going into this race, would drop considerably, though remain in the race. During the caution, only one car pitted, and it was Paul Walker's #2 BOXAWYNE Chevy. No other cars would pit, and Walker's strategy was questioned at the time. The green flag waved at lap 11 of 56 and we would stay green until the white flag. The lead would shift back and forth, with a total of 13 drivers leading at least one lap for 5 bonus points. This included B.D. Joseph and Blind Bob McGee, right after the restart, along with Paul Walker at lap 26, followed by Rickie Walton and Jean-Paul Henry. Walker would regain the lead and use his pit strategy at lap 33, as a large amount of the lead pack started to pit, giving Walker a massive lead for several laps, with #11 Jim Blossoms along with him until he needed to visit pit road on lap 42. Walker would end up pitting right after, but a stellar pit stop saved him the lead, still 3 seconds ahead of the pack, which quickly vanished. With 11 laps to go, Burt McKitchen took the lead, followed by Paul Alcohol with 7 to go. The top 10 cars were all within a second of the lead, and the pack would not open up even on the final few laps. Alcohol navigated the lapped cars, and with 2 laps to go, Alcohol tried to fight off too many contenders at the white flag, but lost the lead on the last lap to Big Daddy Thibodeaux, who used the #00 Nihilist Arby's car one lap down to push to the lead. Thibodeaux and Mayfield took the #22 HCL Dodge Stratus of Bowie Jessup with them, giving the young Jessup a chance to slingshot past them both and win the race.
Race 4: We Put A Bat In Everyone's Car 500
B.D. Joseph started on the pole in the #21 LegalBetForRealMoney.gov Pontiac Bonneville. However, Jasper Cuttysark took the #25 Throat Candy Tobacco Lozenges car to the start/finish line for the first lap. Cuttysark maintained the lead for a while, as the top 9 cars extended a gap from the field due to the heavy damage inflicted by the gigantic hump on the track. By Lap 9, Ennio Sporini took the #28 Wall To Wall Salve car to the lead, and held it for a considerable amount of time while nearly losing control of the car on several nose-dives. Mistakes left and right dwindled the pack, including Morris Mayfield, who drove off the track at Lap 14. Sporini held the lead as many cars pitted in the range of Lap 22-24, when a sudden HAILSTORM brought the race to a halt at Lap 25. This was a HAILSTORM, and most certainly not an instance of the game freezing.
Due to the suddenly-created race delay rules, the 40-lap race was shortened, with a 25-lap first segment followed by a 10-lap second segment, with a 10-lap shootout between the segment winners. Ennio Sporini, therefore, was declared the winner of the first segment.
The second segment began with Jim Blossoms leading the first 5 laps of the second segment, before his #11 KFC I Ate The Bones car tumbled to certain doom off the hump, giving Richard Blood the lead at Lap 7. The #41 Plasma Train car stayed in the lead to the checkered flag, and Ricahrd Blood won the second segment. The track took even more victims as Burt McKitchen, Otto Bahn, and Jean-Paul Henry all ended up off the track, with Bahn and Henry especially sent for a tumbling ride.
Ennio Sporini and Richard Blood competed in the shootout for the race win, and they traded the lead early on, running within 2 tenths of a second from each other. However, the race effectively ended when Richard Blood wrecked on the hump at lap 4. With an extended session in the pit, he returned to the track, but Sporini kept the #28 car together and maintained his composure to win the race.
Race 5: Africa by Toto 99 (There's Nothing That 100 Laps Or More Could Ever Do)
Reverend Pastorchavez started on the pole in the #33 Christpunch Dodge Stratus. On the very first lap, contact between Joe-Jon Winchester's #47 Just Guns Ford Pinto and Otto Bahn's #69 Chevy Prizm caused the biggest wreck of the race, sending Winchester and last race's winner, Ennio Sporini, and his #28 Wall to Wall Salve Dodge to flip in violent wrecks. Also involved in this wreck and out for the race were B.D. Joseph's #21 LegalBetForRealMoney.gov Pontiac and Rusty Arkana's #12 LOA Dodge. Pastorchavez held the lead for the first 20 laps until lap traffic caused issues and shrunk the lead. The leaders had to pit, and Jimmy Poots in the #90 Filthy Boys Dodge led the race at lap 21, only to pit for Jeff Chinese's #38 Jeff's Chinese Chevy to lead. A second wreck took out Rickie Walton, Big Daddy Thibodeaux, Bowie Jessup, and Blind Bob McGee, with still zero yellow flags because Europe don't give a fuck. After catching up to the lead, Jim Blossoms brought his #11 KFC I Ate The Bones Ford to the lead in lap 40, just days after his disgustingly violent crash. From that point, it was all heart for Blossoms, who led the race to the very end, holding off 2nd place (Wooba Bally) by over 8 seconds to win the race.
Race 6: Cinnafist 300
Paul Alcohol started on the pole in the #35 Bathhouse Jim's Bathtub Gin Ford Pinto. Alcohol pulled out to a commanding lead, extending his lead over second place to nearly 4 seconds. However, dealing with Richard Blood's #41 Plasma Train Ford, among other lapped cars, allowed the pack to close the distance, and at lap 68 of 175, Ennio Sporini led the race, only to drop back again, ceding the lead once again to Alcohol. Practically the entire field went to pit road during the race's only caution at lap 90, and Paul Alcohol maintained the lead off pit road as everyone refueled and took fresh tires. The race off pit road set the tone for the remaining 80 or so laps, with significant winners and losers. The biggest winner off pit road was Joe-Jon Winchester and the #47 Just Guns Ford, who held a top 10 position for much of the race, taking second after the restart, and taking the lead at lap 98. Winchester held the lead, and extended it, putting car after car a lap down with no challenger in sight. Winchester would finish strong,
leaving only 5 other cars on the lead lap when he finished to win the race.
Race 7: High Speed Police Chase Grand Prix
Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver started on the pole in the #10 KUMITE/Most Glorious Mr. Naga Toyota Yaris. However, the lead at the conclusion of the first lap on the 3.5-mile winding road course went to last week's winner, Joe-Jon Winchester, in the #47 Just Guns Ford Pinto. Winchester would hold the lead for the entirety of the 25-lap race, extending his lead with every lap. The battle for 2nd place was must-watch for the first half of the race, with Big Daddy Thibodeaux's #60 Tucsonade Dodge making the pass and holding the position over the #10, with Otto Bahn's #69 Nice Chevy Prizm in 4th. The entire field had to pit at around lap 13 of 25, and issues in the pits sent both Thibodeaux and Bahn falling backwards in position, dropping to the middle of the pack and dropping, giving Most Glorious Driver 2nd place once more. Excellent racing was done by Burt McKitchen, who led the #20 Slip's Red Hot Pizza Pontiac to a 3rd place finish, easily his best of the season. Blind Bob McGee passed Bowie Jessup for 4th place with 5 laps to go,
and Jessup was able to hold onto 5th in his #22 HCL Dodge, with challenges from #87 Harry Gunt, who remained in 6th. However, no one was coming close to challenging Winchester, who never relinquished the lead and won the race.
Race 8: Why. Why are we doing this? 400
Morris Mayfield started on the pole in the #00 Nihilist Arby's Ford Pinto. Then there were 165 crashes in 60 laps of racing. Fourteen different drivers led at one point. Really, just the fact that there were 165 crashes is all you need to know. Paul Alcohol in the #35 Bathhouse Jim's Bathtub Gin Ford into led the last six laps and won the race.
Race 9: KISS presents I Wanna Rock & Roll 400 All Night And Pit Party Every Day presented by KISS
Richard Blood started on the pole in the #41 Plasma Train Ford Pinto, with last week's winner/survivor, Paul Alcohol, on the outside pole in the #35 Bathhouse Jim's Bathtub Gin Ford. Almost immediately, the aggressive driving carried over from the prior race, and racing was three wide early, when Joe-Jon Winchester brought the #47 Just Guns Ford to the front of the field at lap 3 of 120. He would hold this lead for a while, including through the race's only caution, at lap 5, due to a wreck involving several cars at the rear of the field. Blind Bob McGee took his car to the pits for an unknown issue, but Jimmy Poots started the chain reaction by spinning out Cotton Stuffbody's #17 Taxidermy WOW! Ford. This got the #90 Filthy Boys Dodge loose and sent him up the track into Jeff Gordon The Horse, who had nowhere to go in the #8 GUNK Chevy Prizm, making contact with Paul Walker's #2 BOXAWYNE Chevy, before shooting down the track and making hard contact with the pit wall. We saw green flag racing again at lap 10 to the end of the 120-lap race, as Winchester was joined by El Matador Toto Rosanna's #75 Air Supply Dodge Stratus, who took the lead at lap 21 and did not let it go. Races for top 10 spots were prevalent throughout the race, while the race winner was a foregone conclusion for most of the duration. By the final 10 laps, positions were exchanged rapidly through the top 10, with Stumpy Lane's #9 GumBooze Chevy and Ennio Sporini's #28 Wall To Wall Salve Dodge shooting up to take 2nd and 3rd. Stumpy Lane was joined by Kevin Boughner-Pillman, in the Dongerex InjectiPen #15 Chevy, and Fat Darryl's #66 RU Hungry Pontiac, who had their best finishes of the season. However, it was never in doubt that El Matador Toto Rosanna would lead 100 laps out of 120 and win the race.
Race 10: Guy's American Bar & Grand Prix
Jasper Cuttysark started on the pole in the #25 Throat Candy Tobacco Lozenges Chevy Prizm, with Joey Rochester on the outside pole in the #49 WCW Universe/Roadblock Dodge Stratus. The 3.8-mile road course began to cause the field to stretch out, as the first 5 laps of the 25-lap race saw Cuttysark take a 1-second lead. Cuttysark extended that lead to 5 seconds by lap 10, with a battle for 2nd between Rochester and Kevin Boughner-Pillman's Dongerex InjectiPen #15 car. After 16 laps, Cuttysark made his only pit stop, and the gap shrunk to a second with 9 to go. Rochester would pit on the next lap, conceding the lead to Boughner-Pillman. Cuttysark would return to second place, but had a 1.1-second gap between him and the leader. With 3 laps to go, Boughner-Pillman pulled away, but the battle for 2nd place came down to Rochester, Cuttysark, and both Cotton Stuffbody and Paul Walker, who made their way up to that secondary pack. Rochester pulled away with 2 to go, and took Stuffbody's #17 Taxidermy WOW! Ford Pinto with him. Joey Rochester would end up in second, but Kevin Boughner-Pillman would not look back and win the race.
Race 11: Parts Unknown 300
Richard Blood started on the pole in the #41 Plasma Train Ford Pinto, with Elmer Twist on the outside pole in the #99 SlapMart Pontiac Bonneville. The undulating, rolling hills and tight turns of the track caused havoc, with Jasper Cuttysark and a few other drivers spinning out at the infamous corner. Blood led the first 10 laps of the 80-lap race before conceding it to Blind Bob McGee's #44 Molested Pig BBQ Chevy Prizm. Paul Alcohol then took the lead at lap 17, as Blood fell back into the pack. The result was worse for McGee, who had blown a header and pulled out of the race by lap 30. However, through all the dangerous turns and close calls, Alcohol was able to hold the lead (up to 5 seconds over 2nd place on the final stretch) to the final lap and he was able to drive his #35 car to first place and win the race.
Race 12: St. Elsewhere 250
Giaccomo Giaccomo started on the pole in the #4 KISS War Machine, with B.D. Joseph on the outside pole in the LegalBetForRealMoney.gov car, but it was Joseph who took the preferred line to lead the first lap of the 80-lap race. The first caution came at lap 3, with Paul Alcohol visiting pit road after a wreck also involving Joe-Jon Winchester and Jimmy Poots. Green flag racing resumed at lap 8, with B.D. Joseph holding the lead until a second yellow flag at lap 10, after Alcohol for a second time was sent into the foliage void on the inside of the track by Jean-Paul Henry and Jim Blossoms. Alcohol was unable to keep up with the pace, and it spelled disaster for him, 2nd place in the points at the time. Joseph maintained the lead through lap 45 when cars began to visit pit road for scheduled stops. Jeff Chinese stayed out to lead a lap for 5 points, and Jim Blossoms once again wrecked his #11 KFC I Ate The Bones Ford Pinto, taking out the pit road operator by hitting the divider in a disgustingly violent manner, bringing out yet another caution. B.D. Joseph maintained his lead even with the yellow flag, and another major casualty was Rickie Walton's #32 Temecula Dirt car, dropping out of the top 5 with a problem with the car. At the restart, Giaccomo Giaccomo took the lead, at Lap 53, and did not look back from that point. The #4 car fought off challenges from Wooba Bally's #103 Hugger Oranges Pontiac, B.D. Joseph, El Matador Toto Rosanna's #75 Air Supply car, and the #49 Roadblock WCW Universe car driven by Joey Rochester, and stayed at the front to win the race.
The Gumbooze Pointless Wreck-stravaganza
The effective "all-star race" of the Diddler Cup season was designed with a format made up of 3 parts. All past race winners this season (10 in total) qualified for the main event. The remaining 22 drivers were split in half, with 11 cars in each of the first two segments. The winners of these first two races would be added to the main event field. Rickie Walton's #32 Temecula Dirt Pontiac Bonneville led all 15 laps of the first segment, fending off Jeff Gordon The Horse and the #8 GUNK Chevy Prizm to win the first qualifier.
The second qualifying race went very similar to the first race, with Big Daddy Thibodeaux's #60 Tusconade Dodge Stratus leading all 15 laps and winning the qualifier, pulling away from a challenging Harry Gunt for the last 5 laps.
The crowd was ready and amped for the 12-car main event field to take the track for 15 laps of racing. Noted cover band Georgia-Florida Line were playing through driver intros, and the race began with Big Daddy Thibodeaux leading the field to the green flag. A first-lap wreck for Joe-Jon Winchester put his #47 Just Guns Ford Pinto out of the race before it even began. Paul Alcohol was involved in the crash, but was able to stay in the race. Thibodeaux pulled away until the 9th lap, when Morris Mayfield drove the #00 Nihilist Arby's Ford Pinto up to the rear bumper of the Tusconade car. With 5 laps to go, Mayfield was looking for the lead held by Thibodeaux, and was joined by Wooba Bally in 3rd. However, Thibodeaux held on and led every lap he raced, winning the absolutely pointless, unnecessary race.
Race 13: Nihilist Arby's Endless Monotonous Loop
Jimmy Poots started on the pole in the #90 Filthy Boys Dodge Stratus, with another Dodge alongside him, Bowie Jessup's #22 HCL car. With speeds quickly hitting over 230 mph, the lead changed so many times as cars were bunched up at the front, until the first yellow flag at lap 7. Richard Blood's #41 Plasma Train Ford Pinto was sent tumbling end over end up the barrier and down the track after blowing an engine, taking B.D. Joseph's #21 LegalBetForRealMoney.gov Pontiac with him. Also involved in the wreck were Otto Bahn, Morris Mayfield, Joey Rochester, and a few others. Thankfully, or disappointingly, it was the only big wreck of the day, as the remaining 68 of the 75 laps were free of any caution flag. For a while, Bowie Jessup and Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver traded the lead, with Rusty Arkana taking five points before lap 30. The cars started moving to pit road in the range of lap 47-50, where Jasper Cuttysark had the lead in the #25 Throat Candy Tobacco Lozenges Chevy Prizm. Cuttysark stayed out on the track to lead a lap, and managed to stay in the lead with pit strategy. Lap traffic began to be a factor at lap 54, with Jessup and Elmer Twist pulling away from the pack with over a one-second lead. A few laps later, the big pack reeled in the leaders, and 8 cars were all within a second of the lead with under 20 to go. Ennio Sporini took the lead at lap 58, but with 8 laps to go, Sporini and Jeff Gordon The Horse pulled away and traded the lead. However, a pack of cars almost one lap down determined the end of the race, with 3 to go, as they chose drafting partners to best manage the slower cars. Sporini chose Paul Alcohol, taking the lead over Kevin Boughner-Pillman leading Gordon The Horse, who ducked down the track to take the white flag. However, in an epic finish, Sporini was able to punch his car to the front,
take his second victory of the season, and win the closest race in Diddler Cup history.
Race 14: Most Glorious and Honorable Mr. Naga's Most Glorious and Honorable 500
Richard Blood started on the pole yet again in the #41 Plasma Train Ford Pinto, with Bowie Jessup's #22 HCL Dodge Stratus on the outside pole for this road course with a long, dangerous straightaway. Blood and Jessup each led a lap, and the #22 led until Blood regained it at lap 11 of the 25-lap race. Jeff Gordon The Horse snuck into 2nd place in the #8 GUNK Chevy Prizm,
and those three cars remained the competitive lead pack. With ten laps to go, Joe-Jon Winchester raced his way up to the front pack,
and the gap from the lead started to dwindle. Rickie Walton brought the #32 Temecula Dirt Pontiac Bonneville to the front of the race with 7 laps to go, after spending the whole race near the front. Walton opened up a one-second lead over the competition, but that lead started to tighten up with 3 laps to go, specifically from the #33 Christ Punch Dodge Stratus driven by Reverend Pastorchavez, who used the second-to-last lap to get right on Walton's bumper. Pastorchavez made his pass at the start of the final lap, and beat Walton at the first turn to pull away and win the race.
Race 15: The Proclaimers' I Would Walk 500
Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver started on the pole in the #10 KUMITE/Most Glorious Mr. Naga Toyota Yaris. The gigantic super-speedway meant intensely unsafe speeds reached, and racing starting immediately with six different lines taken. The large track meant lead changes occurred multiple times within a single lap, but drivers such as Kevin Boughner-Pillman, Ennio Sporini, and Jim Blossoms led laps early on. Blossoms led the race for quite a while before conceding it on the schedule pit stop just beyond the halfway point of the 42-lap race. With 13 laps to go, coming out of the pit stops, a pack of 7 cars broke away, featuring Mr.
Naga's Most Glorious driver in the lead, along with Fat Darryl, El Matador Toto Rosanna, Paul Alcohol, Stumpy Lane, Big Daddy Thibodeaux, and Reverend Pastorchavez. The gap between 7th and 8th widened even further, nearly 5 seconds apart with 4 laps to go, and the #10 Yaris continued to lead. With two laps to go, Jeff Chinese in the #38 Jeff's Chinese Chevy Prizm, a lap down, helped pull Stumpy Lane's #9 GumBooze Chevy into the lead as they reached the white flag. As the cars finished the race at speeds of over 249 MPH, Stumpy lane held on to cross the finish line before Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver with the slimmest margin yet, only 0.008 seconds, and win the race.
Race 16: Mississippi Queen by Mountain 200
Ennio Sporini started on the pole in the #28 Wall To Wall Salve Dodge Stratus. However, Fat Darryl took the lead almost immediately, and held it all the way to the first caution of the race, in lap 80 of 125. Almost immediately, a restart led to another caution, and the danger of the short track restart caused so much havoc for the field of 32. Multiple restart attempts eventually got the field moving once more, and with 2 laps to go, a caution came out, after a wreck involving Jimmy Poots in the #90 Filthy Boys car and Ennio Sporini. The field froze during the caution, giving Fat Darryl the win.
Race 17: 200 laps for FREE PIZZA!
El Matador Toto Rosanna started on the pole in the #75 Air Supply Dodge Stratus, but was almost immediately into pit road with problems, giving Otto Bahn's #69 Nice car the lead. He held the lead until lap 14, when Jean-Paul Henry pulled into first. By lap 48, the cars started coming around for green flag pit stops, but a caution came out as Cotton Stuffbody nearly missed pit road, sending up a cloud of smoke. The ill-timed caution threw the entire field into disarray, with Big Daddy Thibodeaux using the caution to pit after staying out in perhaps the best strategic move of the race. The pit, however, gave Henry the lead once more.
With 21 laps to go, the green flag waved once more, and 8 cars were within a second of the leader. After trading the lead with Thibodeaux, Henry pulled away, only challenged by Paul Alcohol with two laps to go. Henry had Alcohol on his bumper, but he was able to maneuver the corners much better and win the race.
Race 18: Someone Will Get Hurt. Badly. 300
What in the hell do ya want me to say here? Rickie Walton won the pole, but that don't matter. Six other drivers led at one point. One of em was the Horse. Then Wooba Bally led for a while til he got shit-canned and turned on his roof.
He still somehow finished in second place. El Matador Toto Rosanna had a 2-lap lead on everybody by somehow not crashing nearly as much and won the race.
Race 19: GumBooze DUI 500
Cotton Stuffbody started on the pole in the #17 Taxidermy WOW! Ford Pinto. Paul Walker took the lead after one lap of the 10-lap road course race, only to lose it to Fat Darryl's #66 RU Hungry Pontiac Bonneville in lap 4 of 10. Fat Darryl would use his massive girth to pull away from the field and take the easy win after a relatively uneventful race.
Race 20: TEXAS: The Race
Kevin Boughner-Pillman started on the pole in the Dongerex InjectiPen #15 Chevy Prizm. The race began with 6 cars in contention for the championship, and the top 3 starting in the first four rows. Boughner-Pillman held the lead, as contenders Paul Alcohol and Wooba Bally moved up through the field. Jean-Paul Henry pushed up to the 2nd place spot, with no one around him, 15 laps in. By Lap 25 of 84, Joe-Jon Winchester held the points lead, as Paul Alcohol dropped down towards the back of the field.
By lap 36, a total of 4 points separated 1st from 3rd place, involving Winchester, Alcohol, and Henry, in that order. By lap 42, the halfway point, Winchester held the points lead in 12th place, but Jean-Paul Henry moved up to 2nd place in points, as Alcohol continued to fall off the pace, dipping to 23rd. By Lap 50, Winchester dropped to 2nd in championship points to Henry, but the green flag pit stops had yet to begin. Lap 55 began the green-flag pit stops, as both the leader, Boughner-Pillman, and championship contender Henry pitted at the same time. With 20 laps to go, Henry, still in 2nd, became the points leader, with Winchester in 16th and Alcohol in 24th. Caution went out at Lap 67 when Richard Blood got turned around, putting the #41's season over on a sour note. The restart with 12 laps to go tightened up the field, but with 5 laps to go, Jean-Paul Henry took the lead, and got 5 bonus points to help solidify first place in the championship. Joe-Jon Winchester pushed up to 10th place but it was not enough, as Henry, with the last 5 laps, pulled into the lead to win the race and win the championship.
Results and Standings
Races
| No. | Race | Pole Winner | Race Winner | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | SO MUCH CHICKEN 400 | Jeff Gordon The Horse | 00 | Morris Mayfield |
| 2 | Corso, What The Hell Are You Doing, This Is Super Dangerous | Blind Bob McGee | 103 | Wooba Bally |
| 3 | "Daytona" "500" | Jasper Cuttysark | 22 | Bowie Jessup |
| 4 | We Put a Bat in Everybody's Car 500 | B.D. Joseph | 28 | Ennio Sporini1 |
| 5 | Africa by Toto 99 (There's nothing that 100 laps or more could ever do.) | Reverend Pastorchavez | 11 | Jim Blossoms |
| 6 | Cinnafist 300 | Paul Alcohol | 47 | Joe-Jon Winchester |
| 7 | High Speed Police Chase Grand Prix | Most Glorious Driver | 47 | Joe-Jon Winchester |
| 8 | Why. Why are we doing this? 400 | Morris Mayfield | 35 | Paul Alcohol |
| 9 | KISS presents I Wanna Rock & Roll 400 All Night And Pit Party Every Day presented by KISS |
Richard Blood | 75 | El Matador Toto Rosanna |
| 10 | Guy's American Bar & Grand Prix | Jasper Cuttysark | 15 | Kevin Boughner-Pillman |
| 11 | Parts Unknown 300 | Richard Blood | 35 | Paul Alcohol |
| 12 | St Elsewhere 250 | Giaccomo Giaccomo | 4 | Giaccomo Giaccomo |
| GumBooze Pointless Wreck-stravaganza | N/A | 60 | Big Daddy Thibodeaux | |
| 13 | Nihilist Arby's Endless Monotonous Loop | Jimmy Poots | 28 | Ennio Sporini |
| 14 | Most Glorious & Honorable Mr. Naga's Most Glorious & Honorable 500 | Richard Blood | 33 | Reverend Pastorchavez |
| 15 | The Proclaimers' I Would Walk 500 | Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver | 9 | Stumpy Lane |
| 16 | Mississippi Queen by Mountain 200 | Ennio Sporini | 66 | Fat Darryl |
| 17 | 200 laps for FREE PIZZA! | El Matador Toto Rosanna | 40 | Jean-Paul Henry |
| 18 | Someone Will Probably Get Hurt. Badly. 300 | Rickie Walton | 75 | El Matador Toto Rosanna |
| 19 | GumBooze DUI 500 | Cotton Stuffbody | 66 | Fat Darryl |
| 20 | TEXAS: The Race | Kevin Boughner-Pillman | 40 | Jean-Paul Henry |
- 1 - Race was won via 2-car shootout against #41 Richard Blood.
Points Championship
| Pos | Driver | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | Pts | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 40 | Jean-Paul Henry | 5 | 19* | 10* | 4 | 18 | 9 | 18 | 2* | 30 | 25 | 7 | 17 | 14* | 6 | 30 | 4 | 1* | 9 | 28 | 1* | 2111 |
| 2 | 47 | Joe-Jon Winchester | 26 | 31 | 20 | 19 | 31 | 1* | 1* | 6 | 8* | 14 | 16 | 6 | 22 | 3 | 12 | 2 | 3 | 6 | 17 | 10 | 2107 |
| 3 | 35 | Paul Alcohol | 20 | 30 | 4* | 14 | 12 | 2* | 20 | 1* | 5 | 17 | 1* | 32 | 20 | 5 | 6 | 10 | 2 | 21 | 18 | 24 | 2083 |
| 4 | 103 | Wooba Bally | 29 | 1* | 13 | 3 | 2 | 18 | 30 | 8* | 17 | 19 | 12 | 2 | 7 | 28 | 18 | 32 | 7 | 10* | 5 | 4 | 2065 |
| 5 | 66 | Fat Darryl | 6 | 21 | 27 | 22 | 22 | 13 | 32 | 21 | 6 | 13 | 9 | 19 | 23 | 14 | 3* | 1* | 21 | 7 | 1* | 6 | 1986 |
| 6 | 22 | Bowie Jessup | 11 | 16 | 1* | 13 | 26 | 15 | 5 | 29 | 26 | 12 | 5 | 8 | 9* | 4* | 16 | 17 | 9 | 13 | 25 | 21 | 1982 |
| 7 | 41 | Richard Blood | 15 | 13 | 2 | 2* | 17 | 14 | 15 | 14* | 12* | 8 | 3* | 28 | 30 | 8* | 15 | 24 | 14 | 22 | 8 | 31 | 1946 |
| 8 | 32 | Rickie Walton | 9 | 17 | 9* | 18 | 27 | 24 | 23 | 16 | 19 | 11 | 10 | 29 | 6 | 2* | 8 | 25 | 6 | 4* | 26 | 5 | 1940 |
| 9 | 10 | Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver | 28 | 18 | 21 | 10 | 11 | 11 | 2 | 7 | 13 | 20 | 6 | 24 | 19* | 23 | 2* | 23 | 12 | 14* | 14 | 13 | 1938 |
| 10 | 2 | Paul Walker | 13 | 11 | 12* | 11 | 3 | 26 | 16 | 25* | 20 | 4 | 2 | 22 | 18 | 26 | 20 | 20 | 17 | 20 | 2* | 9 | 1932 |
| 11 | 75 | El Matador Toto Rosanna | 23 | 15 | 14* | 15 | 13 | 22 | 28 | 4 | 1* | 29 | 23 | 5 | 12 | 20 | 7* | 31 | 16 | 1* | 22 | 8 | 1916 |
| 12 | 38 | Jeff Chinese | 30* | 3* | 7 | 25 | 9* | 3 | 12 | 18 | 16 | 23 | 32 | 9* | 3 | 15 | 31 | 18 | 10 | 31 | 9 | 15 | 1867 |
| 13 | 33 | Reverend Pastorchavez | 31 | 23 | 24 | 7 | 6* | 12 | 19 | 9* | 22 | 7 | 21 | 12 | 5 | 1* | 5 | 11 | 23 | 29 | 29 | 25 | 1861 |
| 14 | 9 | Stumpy Lane | 27 | 10 | 11 | 5 | 20 | 23 | 14 | 28 | 2 | 31 | 28 | 13 | 11 | 13 | 1* | 12 | 20 | 26 | 12 | 11 | 1852 |
| 15 | 60 | Big Daddy Thibodeaux | 12 | 5 | 3 | 28 | 28 | 17 | 22 | 5* | 27 | 26 | 15 | 16 | 25 | 21 | 4* | 5 | 18* | 18 | 16 | 14 | 1841 |
| 16 | 15 | Kevin Boughner-Pillman | 25 | 28* | 28 | 21 | 10 | 8 | 17 | 15* | 7 | 1* | 8 | 21 | 21 | 32 | 32* | 15 | 26 | 5 | 13 | 2* | 1831 |
| 17 | 4 | Giaccomo Giaccomo | 7 | 25 | 17 | 30 | 24 | 5 | 10 | 10* | 24 | 9 | 14 | 1* | 4 | 27 | 24 | 21 | 24 | 11 | 20 | 22 | 1827 |
| 18 | 17 | Cotton Stuffbody | 4 | 22 | 15 | 6 | 14 | 21 | 31 | 12 | 18 | 3 | 17 | 20 | 17 | 17 | 28 | 13 | 13 | 16 | 7* | 30 | 1822 |
| 19 | 11 | Jim Blossoms | 16 | 4 | 18* | 12* | 1* | 29 | 8 | 32 | 4 | 15 | 26 | 31 | 32 | 22 | 9* | 7 | 30 | 3 | 21 | 20 | 1818 |
| 20 | 28 | Ennio Sporini | 21 | 12 | 22 | 1* | 32 | 30* | 27 | 23 | 3 | 10 | 25 | 27 | 1* | 18 | 10* | 19 | 27 | 2 | 24 | 26 | 1766 |
| 21 | 00 | Morris Mayfield | 1* | 6 | 26 | 26 | 5 | 28 | 26 | 11 | 28 | 6 | 27 | 10 | 27 | 11 | 14 | 27 | 29 | 23 | 19 | 3 | 1755 |
| 22 | 49 | Joey Rochester | 2* | 14 | 31 | 27 | 4 | 25 | 11 | 26 | 15 | 2 | 24 | 4 | 29 | 29 | 22 | 8 | 15 | 17 | 32 | 17 | 1750 |
| 23 | 25 | Jasper Cuttysark | 17 | 2 | 30* | 23* | 21 | 6 | 9 | 31* | 23 | 5* | 22 | 30 | 13* | 16 | 13 | 22 | 28 | 28* | 6 | 16 | 1739 |
| 24 | 20 | Burt McKitchen | 32 | 20 | 6* | 32 | 19 | 32 | 3 | 30 | 14 | 21 | 20 | 14 | 24 | 12 | 17 | 3 | 11 | 30 | 11 | 7 | 1722 |
| 25 | 8 | Jeff Gordon, The Horse | 10* | 29 | 25* | 9 | 15 | 31 | 7 | 19* | 31 | 27 | 29 | 7 | 2* | 7 | 27 | 6 | 5 | 24* | 31 | 27 | 1721 |
| 26 | 99 | Elmer Twist | 24 | 8 | 16 | 20 | 16 | 27 | 13 | 27* | 25 | 18 | 4 | 23 | 8 | 10 | 25 | 16* | 31 | 19 | 10 | 19 | 1710 |
| 27 | 21 | B.D. Joseph | 14 | 32 | 23* | 8 | 29 | 20 | 24 | 22 | 9 | 16 | 11 | 3* | 28 | 25 | 21 | 14 | 19 | 12 | 27 | 18 | 1661 |
| 28 | 44 | Blind Bob McGee | 18 | 7 | 32* | 31 | 25 | 10 | 4 | 17 | 32 | 24 | 30* | 18 | 15 | 19 | 23 | 9 | 4 | 25 | 23 | 12 | 1661 |
| 29 | 90 | Jimmy Poots | 3 | 27 | 8 | 17 | 7* | 19 | 29 | 20 | 21 | 28 | 13 | 26 | 16 | 31 | 26 | 26 | 25 | 8 | 4 | 28 | 1649 |
| 30 | 12 | Rusty Arkana | 22 | 26 | 19* | 16 | 30 | 4 | 21 | 24* | 11 | 22 | 19 | 25 | 10* | 30 | 29 | 29 | 8 | 32* | 3 | 23 | 1595 |
| 31 | 87 | Harry Gunt | 19 | 24 | 29 | 24 | 8 | 16 | 6 | 13 | 10 | 30 | 31 | 15 | 26 | 9 | 11* | 30 | 22 | 27 | 15 | 29 | 1594 |
| 32 | 69 | Otto Bahn | 8 | 9 | 5 | 29 | 23 | 7 | 25 | 3* | 29 | 32 | 18 | 11 | 31 | 24 | 19 | 28 | 32* | 15 | 30 | 32 | 1567 |
A * indicates the driver led at least one lap during the race, for an additional 5 bonus points.